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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27882281">but i knew you'd linger</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunset_waltz/pseuds/sunset_waltz'>sunset_waltz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gilmore Girls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Character, Break Up, Canon Compliant, Domestic, F/M, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Post-Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life, Reunions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 11:40:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,425</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27882281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunset_waltz/pseuds/sunset_waltz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which life is about finding stability in a state of flux.</p>
<p>(It takes a moment for Jess to figure that out.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Logan Huntzberger/Jess Mariano, Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano, Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano/Logan Huntzberger, Rory Gilmore/Logan Huntzberger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title from <a href="https://genius.com/Taylor-swift-cardigan-lyrics">this</a> and summary inspired by <a href="https://thebimonthly.substack.com/p/issue-1-bi-popular-demand-">this</a>.</p>
<p>A few content warnings first (nothing major, but I'd rather play it safe): there are references of miscarriage and past child abuse, but only as a result of the characters’ canon stories. There are also mentions of cheating, exactly for the same reason.<br/>This is tagged as mature, but if I'm honest I think this is Teen and Up; I'd just rather be sure. Also, just to clear up the tags: this is mostly set after AYITL, but there are a few scenes set between the end of season 7 and the beginning of AYITL.</p>
<p>And finally, thanking you so much for clicking on my story! I truly hope you enjoy &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>2017</strong>
</p>
<p>There’s someone at his door.</p>
<p>Jess hears the bell ring and frowns. It’s late, and his friends know better than to show up announced. He makes his way to the door and opens it, and is surprised by Rory — probably the last person he ever expected to see.</p>
<p>“Rory,” he says, surprised. She smiles nervously.</p>
<p>“Hi. I’m so glad I got the address right, I wasn’t sure. I’ve never come here before,” she says. She’s rambling, but he doesn’t try to stop her. “Sorry for coming by so late. Can I come in?”</p>
<p>It takes a moment for him to answer. “Sure,” he says, when she starts to look doubtful. He steps aside so she can enter and closes the door behind her. “Is everything alright? Luke and Lorelai…” he asks. He can’t think of any reason that would prompt Rory to come all the way to Philly, without first even warning that she’s coming.</p>
<p>Rory nods. She’s clenching her purse hard. “Yes, everything’s fine,” she says distractedly, looking around the place. It’s not particularly tidy, but Jess doesn’t worry about it with Rory. “Nice place,” she compliments, smiling at him.</p>
<p>Jess tries to smile back. “Thanks,” he says. “You can put your things down, take off your coat if you want,” he offers. “Did you eat? I have pizza leftovers if you want.”</p>
<p>Rory moves to the couch, where she puts down her purse and starts unbuttoning her coat. “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”</p>
<p>Jess nods. He’s at a loss of what else to say. He and Rory talk every now and then, meet up occasionally, but never like this: never at each other’s place, never announced. They keep in touch enough to know what’s going on in each other’s life, but that’s about it. Plus, they saw each other two months ago, at Lorelai and Luke’s wedding. There’s not much catching up to do since then.</p>
<p>“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Rory says eventually. The silence has stretched long enough to make them both uncomfortable. “I didn’t mean to come by so late, but I’ve been putting it off and then suddenly I was in the car and I didn’t want to chicken out. Again,” she adds, with an uncomfortable smile. “Happy new year, by the way.”</p>
<p>For some reason, that makes him laugh. “Happy new year,” he says back. “Why don’t we sit? You can tell me all about what’s been troubling you.”</p>
<p>Rory nods. She sits at one end of the couch so Jess sits on the other, putting enough space between them that neither of them feels crowded.</p>
<p>Rory clears her throat before speaking. “I- Well. I-” She stops for a moment. She looks up at him and Jess looks back. “Something happened to me recently, and it has helped put some things in perspective,” she starts. “I- I thought I was pregnant,” she breathes out.</p>
<p>For a moment, Jess freezes. “Oh, Rory-”</p>
<p>“Please, just let me talk,” she asks. “I thought I was pregnant,” she says again. “It all happened around the time I was starting to writing the book, during the wedding preparations and all that,” she starts, the words tumbling out of her in a hurry. “I was feeling weird and I went to the pharmacy and they told me to take a pregnancy test. So I did, and it came back positive. Both of them, actually. But I’m not pregnant anymore, or I’ve never even been pregnant in the first place, I’m not sure which. Paris says it could’ve have been an unfortunate case of two false positives, something about some hormonal imbalance, or that I might have had a miscarriage and didn’t notice, because apparently that’s something that happens.” She laughs uncomfortably. “Point is, I thought I was pregnant, I even told my mother and everything, but turns out I’m not,” she finishes. Her eyes are glistening a bit, as if she’s trying not to cry, and Jess can’t know why: is it because she wanted to be pregnant, or relief that she’s not pregnant anymore, or something else?</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry,” he says, at a loss of what to offer.</p>
<p>Rory smiles, a sad, weak thing. “Yeah. Maybe it’s for the best,” she says, sniveling a bit. Jess wants to reach out, grab her hand, maybe put an arm around her, but he refrains. “I keep thinking about how… You know, if I was indeed pregnant, I’d have a baby and have to do it all on my own. My mom… She did it amazingly, even my dad says it was what was meant to be, and I love the life we had. I truly do, truly. But I keep thinking about how I’d have to do it alone and- I don’t want to do it alone.” She looks up at him. “It’s not that there is anything wrong with it, far from it, but that’s not what I want. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of things just happening to me, without me deciding that that’s what I want to happen. I’m tired of feeling like I have no control of my own life.”</p>
<p>Jess doesn’t know what to say to any of that. He looks down at his own hands, hoping that the words will just come to him. He’s usually good with words.</p>
<p>He’s never been good with Rory.</p>
<p>“I’ve been thinking about the things I want,” Rory says quietly. Jess doesn’t look up. He’s suddenly acutely aware that he can guess where this is going, and he’s not sure he wants it. “I want to finish writing my book and I want to publish it, and…” Jess hears her take a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking about you, too. I know that after my whole speech this probably just seems desperate, but really, that’s not it. Jess, can you look at me?” Jess does, looks up at her and she’s looking intently back at him. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while. You know, the first time we happened, we were young and life happened and we broke apart. And then you were back and- I wasn’t in a place where I could meet you. But now… It’s been years, and as far as I know we’re both alone and we’ve always worked out so well. We have similar tastes and we know each other… I’m not saying it has to go anywhere. But I keep wondering, now that we’re both better, isn’t it worth a try?”</p>
<p>Jess looks down at his hands, again at a loss of words, but for a totally different reason now. Truth is, he has come to terms with the fact that he’ll probably never truly be over Rory. He used to be mad at it, at how juvenile it was, but eventually he learned to accept it. You can love someone who’s not meant to be in your life — that’s how it was with his mother, that’s how it was with Luke, that’s how it was with Rory. He loves all of them, but things are always better when all they share is a few phone calls and a couple of meet-ups a year.</p>
<p><em>Rory was pregnant</em>, he thinks. Part of him wonders who the father was. Part of him is already sure he knows. He doesn’t know what to do with any of it.</p>
<p>“I can’t give you what you want,” he decides to say eventually, looking up. His tone is more defensive than he wanted. Rory frowns. “I understand that you didn’t want to raise a baby alone. But you won’t be raising one with me either. Fatherhood is not for me,” he explains. “I’ve thought about it plenty, and I know that is something I don’t want. And maybe I’m getting ahead of myself right now, but- I don’t want to be a father, Rory.”</p>
<p>Rory nods too. “I understand that,” she says, though Jess is not sure she does. “The thing is, I didn’t come to you so you could knock me up,” she says with an uncomfortable laugh. “So that we could play house. Being possibly pregnant… it helped me put things in perspective, that’s all. I came here because I wanted to know if you would just like to try it out. Go on a few dates, kiss, do the whole thing. Maybe it’ll work, maybe we’ll figure out we’re actually just better as friends and keep it that way,” she explains. “I just think that… we are worth a try.”</p>
<p>Jess wants to say no, knows it’ll be better if he says no. He doesn’t want to go through another break-up with Rory, he’s tired of seeing her walk away. <em>But it’s just a few dates</em>, he thinks. Just the two of them, hanging out, just like they always did. They’re not committing for life right now.</p>
<p>“Alright, then,” he agrees. Rory smiles brightly and Jess finds himself smiling back.</p>
<p>For a little while they stand there, smiling at each other.</p>
<p>“Alright,” Rory agrees.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>2008</strong>
</p>
<p>The first time he meets Logan — the first proper time, that is, where there’s no drunken teasing, no girlfriends and ex-girlfriends — is at a bar. Jess and the guys had come down to get dinner, and then the boys had gone home and Jess had let himself stay behind. He’s around Chris and Matthew all the time, they work together, they live together. Weirdly, sitting alone in a bar is the only time Jess can take to be by himself.</p>
<p>When Jess firsts notices him, he has to do a double-take to confirm he’s not seeing wrong. But he’s not seeing wrong. It if weren’t for the fact that there’s no way Jess would forget their first encounter, he sees the guy’s face enough in magazine stands to be able to recognize him.</p>
<p>He knows from talking to Luke that Logan and Rory have broken up, though Jess still doesn’t know why. He doesn’t much care at the moment either, because right now he’s more preoccupied in figuring out what the guy is doing in a bar in Philly. He’s in a proper suit and tie. Coming for a business meeting, then, maybe? Somehow, Jess has a hard time seeing the drunken bastard working. (He remembers people used to think the same about him. He dismisses the thought.)</p>
<p>Jess is surprised when Logan makes the way across the bar in his direction, and even more surprised when the guy sits down on the seat next to him.</p>
<p>“Hey, sorry. Have we met before?” Logan asks, with a small, crooked smile. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere, but I just can’t place you.”</p>
<p>Jess doesn’t remember Logan being nearly drunk enough to have forgotten their confrontation. Regardless, he says, “I don’t think so. You must be confusing me with someone,” with just enough irony in his voice.</p>
<p>Logan frowns, as if he doesn’t believe him, but then his expression clears out as he accepts Jess’ answer. “You’re probably right,” he agrees, tone light and easy. “Mind if I buy you a drink, then?”</p>
<p>It’s Jess’ turn to frown. He’s so thrown off by the question that he ends up agreeing to it, even though his glass is still half-full. Logan settles better in his sit and calls the bartender, ordering their drinks without Jess’ input.</p>
<p>“I’m Logan, by the way,” Logan says eventually, reaching out with his hand. Jess shakes it, still trying to figure out what’s going on.</p>
<p>“Jess,” he offers, even though he doesn’t want to. Logan frowns at the name, as if he’s trying to place it and can’t. Jess watches him as he takes a sip of his drink.</p>
<p>“I’m here from out of town,” Logan says when he puts his glass down, even though Jess didn’t ask. “Had a load of meetings, so I thought I might enjoy myself during my last night in town. What about you?”</p>
<p>Jess takes a moment to watch him, trying to figure out if he’s drunk or something. Because if not, then what the fuck is going on here?</p>
<p>“I live here,” Jess says.</p>
<p>Logan nods and takes another sip of his drink. Jess does the same, because getting drunk might help with this whole weird encounter. When he puts his glass down, Logan has the same focused look on his face, as if he’s trying to figure out Jess again. “I’m sorry, but I’m really sure that we’ve met before,” he says.</p>
<p>Jess huffs a laugh. Perhaps if the guy hadn’t been so drunk the last time, he might’ve been able to remember Jess’ face now. “Is that why you bought me a drink?”</p>
<p>For some reason, Logan smirks. “Oh, not at all. I bought you a drink because you’re hot,” he teases, but his expression turns serious the second after he says that. “Sorry, is that okay? I can back off if you’re uncomfortable,” Logan says easily.</p>
<p><em>Is he hitting on me</em>, Jess wonders, a bit incredulous, because in what universe would it happen that his ex-girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend would chose to hit on his ex-girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend.</p>
<p>“Really, I’m just here for a good time. Say the word and I’ll leave,” Logan says, bringing Jess out of his head.</p>
<p>He knows he shouldn’t, but he’s never been one to play by the rules. “It’s fine,” Jess says. “Do you always approach guys like that?” he asks, because he considers himself a pretty ballsy guy, but never in his life would he come onto a guy unless he was in a queer space. It’s too much trouble to do it any other way.</p>
<p>Logan grimaces. “Not always. Been punched or almost punched enough times when I do,” he admits. “But I’m only here for the night. Thought I might test my luck.” He grins again. “Seems like I picked right.”</p>
<p>“Seems like you did,” he agrees easily. “Was that your pick-up line then? Pretending to know me? Because it’s a shit pick-up line.”</p>
<p>“It could’ve been,” Logan agrees with a laugh, taking the blow with ease. “But no, that was honest. You can call it an excuse if you want, though.”</p>
<p>It’s surprisingly easy to talk with Logan after that. Jess is in no way relaxed — as far as he knows, the guy is a dick and cheated on Rory — but he lets himself be talked into a conversation. Logan, again surprisingly, is knowledgeable enough to be able to keep the conversation running smoothly. He also doesn’t act like a dick, doesn’t comment when Jess mentions he lives with the guys he works with, and doesn’t make snide comments at the fact that they run a less than successful business. <em>Were it any other guy</em>, he thinks, any other guy to come up to him and buy him a drink and say bad jokes in a totally shameless way, Jess would actually be pleased to be talking to him. As it stands, this guy happens to be his ex-girlfriend’s drunk, cheating ex-boyfriend.</p>
<p>Against his better judgement, he has to admit he’s not displeased either.</p>
<p>“My hotel is at the end of the street,” Logan says eventually. They’re on their third drink. Jess doesn’t pretend to misunderstanding him. “Would you like to accompany me?”</p>
<p> “To the hotel or to your bedroom?” Jess asks.</p>
<p>Logan smiles, a bit like the cat who got the cream. “Whatever you want. But yes, this is an offer to come to bed with me,” he says plainly, boldly.</p>
<p>Jess shouldn’t. He should absolutely not fuck his ex’s ex. He’s never been too good at listening to reason.</p>
<p>“Alright, then,” Jess agrees.</p>
<p>Logan is smiling fully now. “Fair warning, I have to be early at the airport. But we still have a few hours. I can easily sleep on the plane.” He calls a waiter after he finishes talking and before Jess knows it, has payed for both their bills. Jess hates him a little for that.</p>
<p>He follows Logan out into the night. They walk quietly side by side, and it’s a couple minutes into their walk that Jess finally makes up his mind. “We have met before,” he says. He’s not sure why he does so, why he makes that decision. He only knows that it’s always easier to get things out before you go to bed with someone.</p>
<p>Logan smiles, pleased and unbothered. It’s only then that Jess realizes he thinks they probably met at a party or something, an unremarkable event in which all that was left behind was the impression of a face. “Yeah? I knew I was right,” he says. “I’m usually pretty good with faces. So where was it? One of Finn’s parties, maybe?”</p>
<p>“Through Rory,” Jess says. Logan falters on his next step. “Me and her, we… dated for a while back in high school.”</p>
<p>He steals a look at Logan, and for the first time in the evening, he has a sort of horrified look on his face. “Oh,” Logan says. He looks to Jess. “I see it now. Your hair is different,” he explains, pointing vaguely in Jess’ direction. He takes a moment before he speaks again, but neither of them stop walking. “I don’t remember much about that night. I do know I was a jerk. I’m sorry about that.”</p>
<p>Jess wasn’t expecting and apology, but he doesn’t let his surprise show. Instead, he just shrugs.</p>
<p>“Did you recognize me right away?” Logan asks eventually, when the silence gets too heavy.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jess confirms. “I wasn’t as drunk as you were.”</p>
<p>Logan snorts. “That’s fair,” he agrees. Again, Jess doesn’t let his surprise at the easiness with which Logan takes a jibe show. “Do you… still want to come over?”</p>
<p>Jess looks at him. He had already made his decision on that and he’s not one to back off now. “Fine by me if it’s fine by you.”</p>
<p>Logan looks doubtful. “You sure you…?” he doesn’t finish the question. There’s a curious, surprised look on his face. Jess would’ve liked to hear what he was going to say, but Logan doesn’t say anything else.</p>
<p>“I’m sure,” Jess says eventually. “You?”</p>
<p>Logan agrees, the smirk slowly coming back on his face. “Yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>2017</strong>
</p>
<p>Rory calls him one morning while he is finishing getting ready for work. It’s a surprisingly early hour for her to be up, and that’s exactly what he points out when he answers the call. “You’re up early.”</p>
<p>On the other side of the line, Rory laughs. “Good morning. Did I call at a bad time?”</p>
<p>Jess glances at the clock. It won’t do any harm if he’s ten minutes late. “No, it’s alright.”</p>
<p>Their conversation, the one about Rory being pregnant and about maybe giving their relationship a go another time, had been about two weeks ago. They hadn’t talked much since, nothing other than a few texts every few days. It feels sweet to hear her voice again.</p>
<p>“Okay, good,” she says. “I’m calling because I was thinking about visiting you, if you want?” she asks, sounding unsure.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Jess agrees. He feels a smile grow on his face. “What did you have in mind?”</p>
<p>“Okay, I was thinking about coming for Friday and Saturday. Take a couple days off to rest. We could… I don’t know. Walk around, go to dinner. You never really showed me around…” she suggests.</p>
<p>Jess hums. “I have to work Friday morning, but I can take the afternoon off.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Rory says. Jess imagines a smile on her face. “Do I need to get a hotel or…” she trails off, unsure.</p>
<p>For a moment, Jess hesitates. “Let’s say you’ll stay on the couch. Then, if the opportunity arrives…” he trails off too, at a loss. He feels embarrassingly young, suddenly, somehow uncomfortable about talking about sex in a way he’s never actually been when he was actually young. It’s ridiculous.</p>
<p>Rory doesn’t tease him for it. “Sounds good,” she agrees.</p>
<p>“So, how’s the book writing going?” Jess asks, wanting to change the subject. He lets Rory talk as he finishes getting himself ready for work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rory decides to take the train down to Philly, so Jess goes to pick her up Friday a little after lunch time. He’s surprisingly nervous as he drives to the station, and it only makes him feel even more juvenile. He wonders if it’s because it’s Rory, if being around someone he’s known for so long somehow brings up sides of him he’d thought long gone.</p>
<p>They hug as a greeting and then Jess takes them to have a late lunch at some burger place. It wouldn’t have been his first pick, but it’s closer to the station than any of his usual spots and they are both starving.</p>
<p>“So, what do you have planned?” Rory asks as they eat.</p>
<p>Jess glances at her. “What you asked for. Thought I might show you around this afternoon, my neighborhood, my favorite spots. Then we could drop by the printer, if you want to say hi and check out how the place has been doing. And then we could go to dinner, alone or with the guys, however you prefer.” He looks up, gauging her reaction. She doesn’t seem displeased. “I thought about coming up with something to do tomorrow, but somehow I was sure you already have something planned,” he teases, smirking.</p>
<p>Rory grins, surprised and pleased. “I do,” she agrees, caught out. “What did you expect? <em>Of course</em> I was going to do my research before coming. And there are some places I’d like to go…”</p>
<p>Jess eats quietly and watches her eat and lets her speak. When she asks, Jess takes out his phone so they can check out which places she wants to go to are actually doable, and which are too far away or too time consuming. They laugh as they talk. It’s weird, the way they always seem to manage to fall into old patterns, as if they’re bodies never forgot how to be around each other, even when their minds are not quite so sure anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They end up going to dinner just the two of them, so Jess takes her to the best Indian place he knows because he knows she’ll like, even though they will, without a doubt, end up smelling like food for a week. It’s okay, though, because Rory beams when he suggests it.</p>
<p>“Philly is actually a lot more fun than I imagined,” Rory praises as they make their way to Jess’ apartment. They had gone by earlier to drop Rory’s luggage and so that she could change her heels for flats — <em>I wasn’t expecting so much walking</em>, she almost whines as she does so — and had ended up leaving the car behind too, since all the places they planned on going were within walking distance.</p>
<p>Jess thinks back on Rory’s words. He shrugs in response, a bit lost on what to say. Part of him almost answers with a half-hearted, <em>It’s home</em>, because, at the end of the day, it is what it is. Philly is not the place where he ever imagined setting down, but it is where he lives, where he works, where he made his life. He has good memories made there. But even after ten years, he still doesn’t feel any kind of deep love or attachment for it. If he’s being honest, he doesn’t stay because he wants to. He just has nowhere else to go.</p>
<p>They take turns on the bathroom when they get home, getting ready for bed. When Jess comes out he finds Rory in her pajamas going over his bookcase, even though she already has a couple of books in her hands. He lets her be and goes to get a blankets and a pillow from the closet and Rory comes to help him set it on the couch.</p>
<p>Afterwards, Jess lingers uncomfortably on the doorway to his bedroom.</p>
<p>“Thank you for the day, it was lovely,” Rory says, coming to stand in front of him.</p>
<p>“I had fun,” Jess agrees, trying for a smile.</p>
<p>Rory smiles back, as if it is the easiest thing in the world, to smile at him.</p>
<p>Jess hesitates for a moment and then he reaches out for her hand, which she lets him take. He leans to press his forehead against hers and, before Jess can think too hard about it, Rory is the one to close the gap, their lips meeting softly. They kiss, lightly at first and then deeper, and then almost desperate. They’re both breathless when they part, their hands clenching hard together.</p>
<p>Jess swallows dry. “Good night, Rory,” he says.</p>
<p>Rory nods. “Good night, Jess,” she says.</p>
<p>She lets go of his hand and Jess turns to enter his room. He closes the door without looking back at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>2009</strong>
</p>
<p>He never expected Logan to actually call.</p>
<p>When Jess had given him his number, it had been as a joke. At the time, they were both still a little high on their orgasm and Logan was sprawling on the bed. “C’mon,” he had said. “I did make you a promise,” he pointed out. <em>If you’re any good tonight, next time I’ll let you fuck me</em>, Jess remembers Logan saying at the beginning of the night, when they had both been mostly dressed and making out heavily against the wall.</p>
<p>Jess had taken a moment to watch Logan sprawl on the bed in a manner only a guy who knew he was hot would do, and then he had gotten dressed and, before leaving, had scribbled his number down on one of those standard hotel notepads.</p>
<p>Again, it had been a joke on both sides, a way to keep up the moment. Or, perhaps, Jess had misunderstood the whole thing.</p>
<p>Regardless, even if Jess had been the one to read the moment wrong, he is the one who is now making his way to the bar he and Logan had agreed on, so he’s not totally blameless. He doesn’t even know why he’s going. Trading blow jobs with Logan had been all fun and good, but Jess could do it with any other person, someone with whom he didn’t share any history.</p>
<p>When one got down to it, Jess is going simply because he wants to. He’s never been too good at ignoring his wishes just because of possible future consequences.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Jess greets when he arrives, sitting down on the stool next to Logan. Logan has been watching him arrive, and there had been some surprise in his eyes when Jess had showed up.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Logan greets. “I was unsure if you would actually come,” he says, looking around and calling a bartender.</p>
<p>“Yeah, me too,” Jess agrees, picking up one of the menus. “Not too sure why I came,” he says, wondering why the fuck he’s revealing so much.</p>
<p>Logan grins. “Because the promise of fucking me was too good to pass?” he asks, as blunt as ever. “Or we could do it the other way round, truly, I’m down for whatever.”</p>
<p>For lack of a better reaction, Jess laughs. They guy surely thinks highly of himself. “Yeah, sure,” Jess agrees.</p>
<p>The evening goes pretty much the same as last time: they talk, and though Jess doesn't have much to say, Logan seems to be a pro at keeping the conversation going. At some point, Logan invites Jess to his room and he goes. They have sex, and this time Jess does fuck him. Again, he doesn't stay the night.</p>
<p>Somehow, those two meetings turn into something regular. Given, Logan is not in Philly often, but anytime he is he gives Jess a call, and Jess never says no. Weirdly, his meetings with Logan are the closest thing to a date he has had in... Ever, probably. His only somewhat lasting relationship has been Rory, and going on dates was never their thing.</p>
<p>He doesn't know if he loves or hates it, the fact that he does something with Logan — fucking Logan Huntzberger, still Rory's ex, still heir to a fucking empire, with more money and opportunities than Jess can ever hope to have — that he doesn't do with anyone else. But the doubts don't stop him from going, don't stop him from ending up in Logan's bed whenever they’re together.</p>
<p>And the next time Jess finds himself in New York, they also don't stop him from taking his turn at being the one doing the calling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For the first time since this thing between them started, he and Logan don't meet for drinks beforehand. Instead, after Jess finishes his meeting with his publishers, he drives to Logan's place. It’s almost noon, but Logan meets him at the door still in his pajamas, hair ruffled from the pillow, and pulls Jess in by the waist.</p>
<p>"Good morning," Logan says against his throat, where he seems determined to leave a mark.</p>
<p>Jess pulls him out of his neck by his hair and angles their faces so they can kiss, deep and needy and full of promise.</p>
<p>"Mornin'," Jess replies eventually, in between kisses.</p>
<p>Logan is still soft and warm from sleep, but that doesn't stop him from being just as participant as ever. Afterwards, they lie in bed together, and Logan turns on the television so they don't even have to talk. Still, Jess feels uncomfortable with it, at just hanging out after having sex with someone. He always leaves after he has sex, because having to wake up next to someone, or having to do the whole morning after thing, is something he doesn't want to do think about, much less do. But it's not anywhere near night-time now, and he's not falling asleep, and they are just hanging out. They're not even cuddling. They're just naked, on Logan's bed. It's uncomfortable as fuck.</p>
<p>"Do you have anything to eat?" Jess asks eventually. He's been up for hours and he barely had any breakfast. He's starving.</p>
<p>"You can go check the fridge," Logan says, just as his phone rings.</p>
<p>Jess watches him get up, throw on a robe and make his way to the other side of his room to take his call. His whole posture changes as he does so, and Jess suddenly realizes that Logan is probably telling the truth when he talks about his work. It's such a sudden change, from lazing in bed to his work mode, that for a moment Jess just sits there, astounded by it.</p>
<p>He is still starving, though, so eventually he gets up, grabs his boxers from the floor and makes his way to the kitchen.</p>
<p>Logan's fridge is as good as empty, with only a few beers, a carton of milk and what looks like last night's leftovers. Jess knows that Logan spends most of his time in San Francisco, not in New York, so it makes sense that he doesn't have that much food here.</p>
<p>He closes the fridge and busies himself with looking through the other cabinets as he listens to Logan finishing his call and making his way to the kitchen, until suddenly his head is resting on Jess's shoulder. Logan isn’t exactly cuddly, but he is affectionate. Jess closes the cabinet's door and turns so they are face to face.</p>
<p>"Your kitchen is empty," he says as he pulls Logan closer.</p>
<p>Logan's hands come to rest on his waist and he leans in so they can kiss. It's the lightest kiss they've ever shared.</p>
<p>"Go get dress and we'll get something. There are a few nice places close by," Logan mumbles before they kiss again.</p>
<p>"Alright, but I'll pay," Jess decides, because Logan always pays and he's getting tired of it. He hates it, really, the fact that someone is offering him things he has more than enough money to pay for. He's not Logan's charity case.</p>
<p>Logan frowns slightly, but then he nods. "Okay," he says against Jess' lips as they kiss again.</p>
<p>It's awfully domestic.</p>
<p>Jess doesn't pull away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>2017</strong>
</p>
<p>The next time he and Rory meet up, it’s in New York. She is there on business for her book and has suggested that Jess comes to meet her there so they can take a few days for themselves. He says yes.</p>
<p>They haven’t seen each other since Rory came to say, but they talk often now, in the morning before Jess gets to work, or in the evening when Rory is tired of writing. Jess doesn’t talk much about anything other than the books he’s read — not that he has that much to say. His life is pretty boring: he goes to work, comes from work, tries to write a little before going to bed, sleeps and repeats —, but Rory talks plenty. Mostly, she talks about her own book, about the stories she wants to include and the ones she thinks better left out. And maybe it’s a bit egocentric, for someone to talk so much about their own life, but Jess is happy to help.</p>
<p>Rory seems surprisingly at home in New York, a far contrast to the time she skipped school to come visit him. Jess is reminded that, over the last decade, she has lived here for months at a time, that Jess is the one who barely sets his feet there anymore. How the tables have turned. He hates it a little bit.</p>
<p>They have dinner at Paris’ on their first night there and it’s- Honestly, it’s chaotic. It’s exactly what he expected from Paris’ house, but it also reminds him of why he doesn’t want to have kids. It’s loud and busy and messy, and he doesn’t mind it for an evening — honestly, he laughs more than he has in a while — but the thought of doing it every night frightens him. He’ll take standing in front of his screen trying to write something anytime.</p>
<p>He and Rory are both happy and relaxed when they make their way to the hotel room she got for them, so when she leans in to kiss him, Jess lets that happen and he doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t pull away when she gets a hand under his shirt either and, in fact, he’s the one to get her undressed first.</p>
<p>It’s the first time they have sex, but things fall together easily, the way everything does with them when they’re on the same page.</p>
<p>In the morning, he wakes up first and leaves the bed quickly, preferring to take a shower over being in bed when Rory wakes up, even though he doesn’t have the same problems with sharing a bed as he once did. He’s simply being avoidant and he knows that, but old habits die hard.</p>
<p>They go out for breakfast a while later. “You know, we don’t actually <em>have</em> to go out and something today,” Rory teases at some point while they’re eating. Jess doesn’t pretend he doesn’t understand, and that’s how they end up spending the day in bed.</p>
<p>In the evening, they order something to eat and then they turn on their computers, each of them with something to work on. Even though they’re in some hotel in the busiest city in the world, it’s awfully domestic, a glimpse of how things could be if they let them get there. It’s hard not to enjoy it.</p>
<p>“Did you…” Rory starts at some point. Jess looks up to find her looking at him over her computer. “Did you see anyone, over the last few years?” She blushes. “I mean, of course you did, I don’t want to imply that you were alone all this time. Of course you weren’t alone. Just-” She swallows in an attempt to stop her rambling. “Anything?” she finishes, voice thin.</p>
<p>“I suppose,” Jess says. “I had a few relationship, some more serious than others.” There had been Sasha while she worked at the press with them. She and Jess had fun, until it got to the point that she wanted more commitment than he could give. There had been Charlie, and he’s the ex-boyfriend Jess probably remembers more fondly. They had broken-up when Charlie had to move away, but they still meet up whenever he comes to visit. And there had been Logan. “I’ve been alone for a while now, though,” he says, instead of taking Rory down memory lane.</p>
<p>She was clearly expecting more of an answer, so she asks, “What happened?”</p>
<p>Jess decides to give her something. “Opportunities came and people moved away,” he says. It’s ironic, the way everyone seems to be able to find their way out of Philly except him. “It’s alright, really. Water under the bridge and all that. I’m not hung up on anyone.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Rory says, nodding.</p>
<p>“What about you?” Jess asks, just for the sake of asking.</p>
<p>“I moved around too much,” Rory says, scrunching her face. Jess is struck by the irony again, at the fact that he was the one who stood still while Rory went out and tried to find her own way. “Casual dating is not really for me, so there weren’t a lot of people. Just…” She hesitates. “Logan was the longest one, I suppose. It was stupid really. I kind of regret it a bit now,” she rambles, blushing fully now. “We weren’t even dating or anything. Just… If I was lonely I’d rather be with him then go out and be with a stranger, I guess.”</p>
<p>There’s more there than she’s telling, but Jess would never think of pressing her for information. He’s done fighting with Rory’s exs. Besides, he’s more caught up in how weird it is, to have someone else talk about Logan other than him, to even consider asking for more.</p>
<p>Neither of them say anything else, but soon after Rory closes her laptop and lies down on the bed, staring at the ceiling, so Jess ends up doing the same. They fall asleep soon after.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>2011</strong>
</p>
<p>When he finally hears the phone ring, there’s already a little unanswered call symbol in the corner, telling him that this is not the first time Logan’s called him. He accepts the call and listens as Logan speaks, “So, I was thinking,” he says in place of a greeting. “I’m going to be near Philly later this week. How about we meet up?”</p>
<p>Jess closes his eyes and tries to banish his headache through sheer force of will. It doesn’t work. He’s head is still pounding as he answers, “I can’t.” Even though it’s only two words, he hates the way his voice sounds, the way his throat aches as he speaks.</p>
<p>He hates being sick. He’s not supposed to get sick, hasn’t gotten sick in years, so why start now?</p>
<p>“Oh,” Logan says. “Are you alright? You sound terrible,” he asks, and he sounds truly concerned. Jess hates that a little bit.</p>
<p>“I’m fine, just a cold. All the guys had it, it was bound to get to me,” Jess explains, resigned. Talking makes him cough, so it’s no surprise that he ends up coughing for a couple minutes before Logan is able to speak again.</p>
<p>“Is there anything I can do?” Logan asks, and his voice sounds different, more strict and matter-of-fact. Jess remembers, suddenly, that one time in Logan’s apartment, how his whole posture changed when he had to take a work call. It’s hard to conciliate, the shameless, laid-back guy Jess often sees, with his practical and focused work self.</p>
<p>“Yes, stay away,” Jess answers. It sounds meaner than he intended, but he doesn’t take it back.</p>
<p>“How about I come by with some soup and pills?” Logan continues, as if he didn’t hear Jess snipe at him.</p>
<p>Jess sighs. “No need. It’s just a cold, I’ll be fine. How about we raincheck to the next time your around?” he offers, trying to get the conversation done as soon as he can.</p>
<p>“I’m coming over,” Logan decides, still pretending he’s not listening to him. It makes Jess want to scream at him, except both his head and his throat would punish him dearly if he did. “Text me your address, okay?”</p>
<p>“Logan, come on,” Jess says. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’ll meet up next time. I mean, it’s not like you’re getting any if you come. I don’t think I can get it up right now, and even if I did, I’m too tired to do anything about it.”</p>
<p>“I know that,” Logan agrees easily, but he sounds a bit annoyed. “But I remember you telling me the printer had some event this week, which means you’re probably alone.” Jess let’s himself be surprised at the fact that Logan remembered. He doesn’t know how to feel about it. “So you’re alone and sick, and I’m in town. Just… Let me just come by, okay? I’ll bring soup and meds, you’ll eat something, and then I’ll leave if you want me to. Just, please?” Jess can hear the smile in his voice, and it makes him smile too, though he’ll forever deny it. He doesn’t understand any of it, why Logan is insisting on coming by just for the sake of it, but his head hurts too much to be able to figure it out.</p>
<p>“Alright,” he concedes, giving up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Logan shows up a couple hours later with a bag filled with groceries and pills. When Jess opens the door to let him in, he almost doesn’t know what to expect, but Logan simply smiles at him and kisses him on his forehead so quick and easy that Jess almost doesn’t find it weird.</p>
<p>Logan makes his way around Jess’ kitchen like he’s been there a thousand times, even though that’s the first time they meet at his apartment. “I’m not much of a cook, but I bought some soup and I’m pretty sure I can heat it up without making a mess,” Logan says. He talks as he unpacks the bags and goes around the cabinets looking for what he needs. All Jess does is sit on the counter and lower his head on his arms and pretend to listen.</p>
<p>“Do you want to eat here or on the couch?” Logan asks at some point. Jess opens his eyes to see him surprisingly close and startles a bit. Logan laughs at it and reaches to help secure the blanket Jess has around his shoulders better.</p>
<p>“Couch.”</p>
<p>“Alright. Why don’t you go settle and I’ll be right behind you?”</p>
<p>Logan comes in as Jess is turning on the TV, and he sets a tray down in front of Jess before going into the kitchen to get another one. There’s soup in it, and a glass of juice, and Jess’s pills. For a moment, Jess stares. He wasn’t even aware they had trays.</p>
<p>“You can pick the channel,” Jess offers, handing Logan the remote once he’s seated. Logan has settled on the other end of the couch, but the couch isn’t particularly big so they’re almost touching. Jess hesitates for a moment, but then he turns so his back is against the arm rest and tucks his feet under Logan’s thigh. It makes Logan smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Though Jess was prepared to let Logan go once he was fed, Logan ends up staying for two days and he proves himself a surprisingly good nurse. They don’t do much; Jess sleeps most of the time. When he wakes up, he often finds Logan working away next to him in bed — he has woken up a couple of times with his face next to Logan’s thigh — or on Jess’ desk, even though he’s sleeping on the couch. Sometimes he’s on the phone, but never so loud that he accidentally wakes him up. The first day, Logan is the one who cooks, but on the second day Jess feels both good enough to do it himself and tired of only eating pre-ready store-bought food. Logan laughs when Jess tells him that.</p>
<p>“I read your book,” Logan tells him on the second day. They’re lounging on the couch and Jess has showered for the first time in a few days so he actually allows Logan to be close this time.</p>
<p>Jess looks away from the TV and at him and tries not to seem surprised, though he really, really is. “Oh.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I…” Logan starts blushing too and looks away. “I saw the pages for what I assume it’s your new book on your desk, and I got curious about your writing, but I assumed you wouldn’t want me to go through them. And then I saw your other book, the one you gave to Rory, on your bedside table, so I decided to give it a go.”</p>
<p>For a moment, Jess doesn’t know what to say. “What did you think?” he ends up asking.</p>
<p>“I really liked it,” Logan answers, finally looking at him. “I mean, I’m not sure I really understood most of it, but that’s no dig on your writing, it’s all me,” he says, making Jess chuckle. “I’m really excited for your next one. I want a signed copy when it comes out.”</p>
<p>Jess nods, wondering why he’s feeling a bit giddy. “Will do,” he promises. They’re seat in silence for a moment, Logan lost on whatever it is that they’re watching on the television, but he responds immediately when Jess slides on his lap and kisses him properly for the first time.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to-” Logan starts but Jess shuts him up by kissing him again.</p>
<p>“I’m not feeling good enough for anything, but I don’t mind giving you a hand,” Jess says.</p>
<p>“You really don’t have to, I’m fine,” Logan chuckles again. “Besides, I have to get going in, like, an hour.”</p>
<p>“I want to. And an hour is plenty of time,” Jess shoots back. He puts a hand on Logan’s buckle but doesn’t do anything else, waiting for Logan to do something.</p>
<p>Logan puts a hand on top of his and starts undoing the buckle himself. Jess leans in and kisses him again, and keeps on kissing him as Logan gets hard and until Logan is too far gone for there to actually be any kissing.</p>
<p>When Logan leaves, he kisses Jess on the mouth, which Jess expected, but then he also kisses him on the forehead again, like he did when he arrived. He tries not to dwell too hard on that, on what it might mean. To be honest, the whole weekend has left him a bit lost: because Jess was fine with him and Logan meeting up for sex and a laugh every now and then, but he’s not sure how he feels about Logan coming to stay for two whole days with no expectations of it. He’s not sure he wants to go down that road.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>2017</strong>
</p>
<p>In a surprisingly good, but not totally unexpected way, he and Rory settle into some sort of a routine rapidly. It’s not unexpected because they’ve always been like that, good at fitting into each other. Rory is determined in her writing, but she’s flexible with her schedule in a way she never used to be when she was younger, so it’s easy for them to meet, spend days at a time together. When they part, it doesn’t feel bittersweet anymore; they know they’re coming back.</p>
<p>One thing that he’d never have predicted, though, is how much they talk. Not about books or work or family, but about each other, about the two of them together. If he’s being honest, he wasn’t totally prepared for it. It’s hard, too, to go over the things in their past, partly because he simply doesn’t do it — he decided at some point that the past and the messes he made were better left where they belonged — and partly because he doesn’t have that rapport with Rory anymore. Meeting briefly for a couple times a year can be plenty to update each other on their lives, but it doesn’t allow for many heart to hearts. But he can see the merit in it, in the fact that for the past to be truly left there, they must agree to leave it together, so he makes an effort.</p>
<p>When they’re together, they are, perhaps not surprisingly, very boring. They spend their days writing, even though they have different writing schedules — Rory is better at it in the morning, while Jess gets most of his work done at night — but they make it work. They cook together and they eat together and at night they curl up in the same bed and Rory learns to not roll her eyes when Jess grabs his notebook again once they’re settled after sex.</p>
<p>All of it — the routine, the domesticity, the intimacy — gives him a taste of something he and Rory danced around for years, but never allowed themselves to try. He’s not regretful over the choices he made and the relationships he had, but some part of him grieves the time they never had, and he knows she does too. It’s easier when they do that together.</p>
<p>In April, Rory takes him to the beach on his birthday, which is ridiculous because he doesn’t even like the ocean. They make a day of it, and Rory takes a thousand pictures that Jess makes her swear not to show to anyone ever. She doesn’t notice when Jess takes her camera for a few minutes and snaps a couple shots of her, but she does smile knowingly when she catches a few of the pictures on his desk the next time she comes to stay. He even printed them in proper paper. She’s overly smug about it.</p>
<p>He finally agrees to going to Stars Hollow with Rory in the summer so she can spend a weekend with her mother, and it is as awkward as he expected it to be. It’s weird, and not because Jess is put to sleep on the couch by both Lorelai and Luke, even though he and Rory are more than grown-ups; it’s because, somehow, all four of them know how to be around each other separately, know what to expect from one another, but it all falls apart when you put the four of them in a room together.</p>
<p>At night, Rory comes to see him.</p>
<p>“One of them might come down,” he tells her, but he doesn’t try to stop her from lying down next to him on couch, even though it is barely big enough for him only. The end up half on top of each other. “I could still hear footsteps just two minutes ago.”</p>
<p>“Oh, shush,” she tells him, closing the gap between them for a kiss.</p>
<p>“I’m also not having sex on your couch,” he tells her when they stop to breathe.</p>
<p>It makes Rory laugh, and both of them clamp their hands over her mouth at that. “Sorry,” she says when she stops laughing, with a smile still on her face. “Can you imagine, though?”</p>
<p>“We’d break something,” he says. “And I’m not sure if it’d be the couch or us. Besides,” he adds, teasing, “you’re too loud.”</p>
<p>She gasps, in mock offense. “I’m the loud one? Need I remind you-”</p>
<p>“That was one time!” Jess says, and they’re both laughing now. “Don’t worry, I like it.”</p>
<p>They start kissing again, but Rory is still thinking about it because when they stop, she says, “Though you could be a bit louder sometimes. That time, it was-”</p>
<p>“Hush,” Jess says, kissing her again.</p>
<p>Rory does end up going back to her bedroom, the couch simply too uncomfortable for two grown adults, but first they stay there for a while. At some point Rory grabs whatever book is on the coffee table and turns on the light next to the couch and starts reading, voice low, just for the two of them. It’s one of the most intimate things someone has ever done to him; he doesn’t think someone has read aloud to him, only him, since he was perhaps three.</p>
<p>He’s relieved when Sunday evening comes along and they make their way back to Philly.</p>
<p>However, even though they’re acing it at communicating and they’re better around each other than they’ve ever been, there are still things that they chose not to bring up: neither of them talk about Logan, and Jess knows that the ball’s on his court for that one; Rory doesn’t talk about her miscarriage, even though they both know it still affects her sometimes, and she doesn’t talk about all the years she spent adrift in her career, choosing to pour over her book with fierce determination instead. And he doesn’t talk about his queerness or his non-monogamy or all the aspects of the life he built for himself over the years that outsiders would find wrong, even though they’re some of the parts he treasures the most.</p>
<p>It’s cowardly of him to do so, he knows; but he still can’t let go of the notion that, were he to show himself complete, Rory would be the one to choose to leave this time round.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>2013</strong>
</p>
<p>2:01 AM: You and me, two weeks from now, Martha’s Vineyard for a week?</p>
<p>2:04 AM: You really dont know me if you think id set foot in marthas vineyard</p>
<p>When his phone rings again, it’s with an incoming call. Jess looks away from his computer screen, where he’s been trying to write the end of a scene for the last couple hours, and unsurprisingly finds Logan’s name on the screen.</p>
<p>“I didn’t call because I thought it must be, like, 3 am there,” Logan says in place of a hello. “What the fuck are you still doing up?”</p>
<p>“Writing,” Jess answers. His voice comes out deeper and hoarser then he intended, result of spending the last few days alone at home to try and meet his deadline.</p>
<p>Against his ear, Logan groans. “Please go get a glass of water. You’re not allowed to speak to me sounding like <em>that</em> when there’s a whole ocean separating us.”</p>
<p>Jess chuckles at that, which only makes Logan let out an exaggerated groan. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?” he asks as he gets up.</p>
<p>“Oh, yes. Martha’s Vineyard. Please come, it’ll be nice. There’s only going to be the two of us, and I can get someone to make groceries beforehand so we don’t even have to leave the house,” Logan explains.</p>
<p>Jess takes a moment to drink a glass of water before answering. “I have a perfectly good place here where it would also be just the two of us,” he says. “Besides, I have to work. It’s deadline after deadline for me for the next couple of months.”</p>
<p>“Without meaning to sound disrespectful about your new place, which I’m really excited to see, by the way,” Logan says, “I think you might really benefit from a few days away. If I know you, you probably haven’t set foot outside the house for a week, and soon you’ll be going crazy over it. C’mon, it’s quiet there at this time of year.”</p>
<p>Jess sighs. “I really have to work.”</p>
<p>“So you’ll work. You can even have a bedroom for yourself if you want to be alone. You’ll work and I’ll watch you be all pretty while you do it, it’ll be the perfect combination,” he teases, making Jess chuckle. They stay in silence for a moment. When Logan speaks again, his voice sounds more intimate somehow. “Look, just… think about it, okay? Then let me know. If you still don’t want to, then I’ll come over to yours, okay? I just…” he trails off, and doesn’t keep going. Jess feels a bit like he just dodged a bullet.</p>
<p>“Alright,” he concedes.</p>
<p>They stand there quietly, breathing together. After a couple minutes, Logan speaks up, his voice is cheerful in a way that totally breaks the moment. Jess is weirdly thankful for that. “So, what are you wearing?” he asks, voice sultry.</p>
<p>Jess laughs. “Has that actually ever worked?”</p>
<p>Logan doesn’t even sound embarrassing. “You understood what I was getting to, so I’ll say yes. C’mon, go lie down.”</p>
<p>Jess makes his way to the couch and drops heavily into it, tired even though he’s not done much lately. His hand makes his way to the hem of his pants, but he lets it rest there, not doing anything.</p>
<p>Logan is always the one who does most of the speaking when they do this, so Jess closes his eyes and lets himself relax as he listens. He especially likes the way Logan’s voice grows more breathless as he talks, clearly turned on even though he’s the one doing all the talking. Once he has come, Jess tries to reciprocate in the awkward way he always does — he’s a man of words, but he’s surprisingly untalented for dirty talk. He follows Logan’s lead and, regardless, Logan has soon come too. Jess’ lack of talent has never been much of a turn off for him.</p>
<p>“Go to sleep, Jess,” Logan says afterwards. “I’ll talk to you soon, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two weeks later, Jess tries not to question himself too much as he drives to Martha’s Vineyard. He takes the directions Logan gave him and arrives to see Logan’s car on the driveway. He parks next to it. Logan is outside waiting for him in pajamas and a robe when Jess gets out of the car, and it’s all terrifyingly domestic.</p>
<p>As promised, Logan does have a bedroom set aside for him, but neither of them pay it much attention as Logan stirs them to his own room, both of them losing their clothes as they make their way.</p>
<p>“So, what do you have planned for us?” Jess asks afterwards, while they still rest naked in bed. He’s grown used to it.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Logan says. “You said you have to work, and to be honest, so do I. Not sure I will, though,” he adds, with a bit of constraint. Jess wonders what that’s about. He turns to look at Jess. “How’s the book writing going?”</p>
<p>“It’s pretty much done. I’ve sent it for editing, should get it back in a couple of days.”</p>
<p>“How do you feel about it?” Logan keeps asking, because he’s interested like that. Somehow, he’s always interested in what Jess is doing.</p>
<p>“When I don’t hate it, I like it better than my other ones, if that counts for anything. How are things with you?”</p>
<p>“Shitty,” Logan answers after a while, but he doesn’t say anything else. Jess doesn’t press and they stay in silence for a while.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The weeks goes by surprisingly quickly, and Jess is surprised by how much he actually enjoys it. They don’t do much, but Logan gives him space to work, even though he’s oddly clingy otherwise. He drinks more than Jess has ever seen, but he doesn’t get drunk, so perhaps that’s just because they’re spending more time together, falling into more of a routine, then they usually do.</p>
<p>On the last day, Logan comes to see him while he’s packing up.</p>
<p>“Would it be alright if I went with you to Philly for a couple of days?” he asks. His eyes are a bit bloodshot. Jess doesn’t even hesitate before saying yes.</p>
<p>In hindsight, it might not have been the best idea. Not because Logan is not a good guest — as Jess has come to know over the years, Logan is unnecessarily careful as guest, always cleaning up after himself, as if afraid that if he leaves some messiness behind Jess will throw him out. It doesn’t really fit with the playboy image, so Jess sometimes wonders if he’s only like that with him, and if so, why.</p>
<p>It wasn’t his best idea because, on the second day, they’re still in bed when Jess’ phone rings, and he’s suddenly reminded that Luke had agreed to come over that day.</p>
<p>“It’s Luke,” Jess says, answering Logan’s unasked question. Logan buries his head in the pillow in answer, and yeah, Jess feels that.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna go out, get us some breakfast,” Logan says when Jess hangs up. They’re close enough that he’s probably been listening to the conversation.</p>
<p>“You really don’t have to,” Jess says. “He’s just dropping off some stuff, he’ll be in and out.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but I’d rather not,” Logan says, already getting up. He leans over and pecks Jess before rising. “I can’t tell you how weird it would be if we accidentally bumped into each other.”</p>
<p>Jess only needs to think about it for a moment before recognizing, “You’re right.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t miss the cocky smile Logan throws his way at his words. He’d still take that over his blueness any day, though.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Seeing Luke again goes as well as ever, except for the moment when Luke notices the clothes that he and Logan left on the couch last night. The cashmere sweater is clearly not his.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know you had company,” Luke says, awkward as ever.</p>
<p>To be honest, Jess is not much better. Not because he’s not out to Luke or because he’s ashamed, just because it’s Luke. “Yeah. He’s… out for the moment, though.”</p>
<p>“Well, I-” Luke shifts weight on his feet. “I should be getting back, you know. I’ll just… I’ll leave you to it.”</p>
<p>When Logan comes back, they have breakfast, and Logan tells him that he’s leaving that evening. Jess makes him company while he packs, which is when Logan finally decides to open up about what’s been troubling him.</p>
<p>“I’m moving to London,” he says. He doesn’t even look at Jess while he speaks. “Apparently my father thinks the work I’ve been doing there has been working out pretty well, so I’m moving there more permanently.”</p>
<p>There are so many questions Jess wants to ask, first but not least why the fuck does Logan keep on playing into his father’s game. A few years back, when they first started meeting up, Logan appeared to be moving away from his father’s control, but somewhere along the line it fell through. Perhaps it would help if he and Logan were to talk about it, but they don’t do that; and since Jess would hate if Logan were ever to make him talk about his life, he never presses either.</p>
<p>Instead, he asks, “When do you leave?”</p>
<p>Logan huffs a laugh, a bit scornful. “I mean, it’s not like I’ll be there forever. But things should be settled until the end of the year, I’ll still be coming and going in the meanwhile.” Logan pauses for a moment, and then he opens his mouth again, but no words come out. Whatever he was going to say, he seems to have thought better of it.</p>
<p>For lack of knowing what to do, Jess captures Logan’s wrist as he packs another item and pulls him in and kisses him. He’s not truly leaving, but somehow, part of it does feel like a goodbye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>2017</strong>
</p>
<p>He ends up opening up to Rory one night where they both mildly tipsy, but not so much that either of them will have problems remembering the conversation the day after.</p>
<p>It’s not planned, and it probably only happens because Rory gives him the opening he needs. She’s telling stories about her college days, about the time Paris kissed her on Spring Break — he already knew that one, since Rory loves telling Paris stories when she’s drunk —, and Jess couldn’t have asked for a better opening.</p>
<p>“I’ve actually made out with guys,” he says, when Rory jokingly asks if either Chris or Matthew had ever thrown themselves at him for the sake of adventure. “Not them though,” he adds, because no. “I’m bi, Rory,” he adds, trying to be casual about it. It’s surprisingly hard, though, since he never actually had to properly Come Out to someone: Luke found out by chance, and he refused to feel like it was a big deal with anyone else.</p>
<p>He doesn’t expect Rory to almost instantly sober up. She even sits straighter. “Oh,” she says, and she seems so surprised about it. Jess hates it a bit. “I didn’t… I had no idea,” she adds. Jess grimaces. “Thank you for telling me,” she finishes.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he says. “It’s not gonna be a problem, right?” he asks, and he hates that he has to do so.</p>
<p>“What? No, no. Jess, of course not,” Rory says, eyes wide open. She hesitates for a moment. “Have you ever dated men? I mean, I know it’s none of my business, feel free not to answer. I don’t even know why I-”</p>
<p>“Rory, you’re rambling,” he reminds her.</p>
<p>As always, she blushes a little. “Sorry. Just… Didn’t want to impose.”</p>
<p>Jess nods. “It’s okay. Yes, I’ve dated men. I-” he hesitates, because this really is not the time. He knows Logan would be fine with it, because he had been the first to one to bring up the idea of telling Rory. He could leave it at coming out for now. Except, he’s always been a ‘rip the band aid off’ kind of guy. “There’s something I should probably tell you.”</p>
<p>The way he says it makes Rory look worried, her eyebrow furring, her mouth rigid. “What’s the matter?”</p>
<p>“Nothing bad, and nothing that I think should affect us. Just- I know these kind of situations can sometimes be weird and uncomfortable, and I’m sorry I didn’t bring it up earlier. You and I actually have an ex-boyf- Well, he wasn’t actually my boyfriend.” Jess wonders for a moment why he slipped up like that, feels a blush on his cheeks even though he rarely blushes. “An ex-intimate-acquaintance, so to speak,” he awkwardly settles on.</p>
<p>“We do?” she asks, and now she seems more baffled than anything else. For a moment, Jess wants to make her guess, even though the situation is not nearly light or funny enough for that, just to see who’s she come up with.</p>
<p>“It’s Logan,” he says finally, in one breath.</p>
<p>Rory stumbles on her words for a few moments, her mouth closing and opening like she can’t figure out what to say — or maybe, what to think. “Logan? Huntzberger Logan?” she asks, as if there’s any other Logan that they could be talking about.</p>
<p>Jess understands that this is completely out of the blue, so he just says, “Yes, that Logan,” and he tries to give her space so she can make her mind about that.</p>
<p>“I-” Rory is still at a loss for words. Jess tries to imagine what it’d be like to be on her position right now; he tries to imagine what must be running through her mind, but even though he and Rory are often very similar, he’s unable to figure her out right now. He thinks of their romance in college, of the fact that they were meeting on and off for years, never really becoming <em>something</em>, but always being <em>a thing</em> — and doesn’t that hit just a bit too close to home —, of the fact that Rory was probably pregnant, probably of Logan. Truth is, the relationship between her and Logan still has too much going on for him to neatly fit it into a hypothetical scenario.</p>
<p>“I really don’t know what to say,” she speaks up finally, voice small. “Seems like someone finally found a way to shut me up,” she jokes, huffs a laugh and all, but it doesn’t land.</p>
<p>“I just wanted you to know,” Jess, earnest. “If you ended up finding out, I didn’t want you to feel like I’d been keeping it from you. And… I really hope this isn’t want brings us apart.” At least, he hopes Logan doesn’t have that power over them anymore.</p>
<p>Rory doesn’t say anything in return, but she reaches out for his hand. They sit in silence, but they sit together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>2015</strong>
</p>
<p>In the end, the only time they actually fight — which is a wonder, really, when they’ve been seeing each other for over five years and they’re as different as two people had ever been — is when Jess breaks things off.</p>
<p>It goes like this: he hears the news about Logan’s engagement on the newspaper, just like the rest of the world. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. It’s not that he’s naïve: he knows that Logan sees what he has with Jess and what he was with whomever he dates as two separate things, and he’s fine with that. But there are lines he won’t cross, and trespassing into a marriage that is not open to having him is one of them.</p>
<p>(He remembers his mom, all the times she came home drunk and high and heartbroken over the fact that the man she was seeing had a family on the other side of town. He remembers being ten and ungratefully thinking about how the kids of the other family would feel over the fact that his mom had slept with their dad, and he remembers hating it, hating the fact that breaking up her own family wasn’t enough for her.)</p>
<p>His decision is made before he even sets the paper down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Logan is mad when Jess tells him that that is the last time they’re meeting up, and at the time Jess isn’t feeling charitable enough to try and calm him down.</p>
<p>“You’re getting married, I’m very happy for you, but I’ve had enough of this,” Jess tells him, upsettingly calm. The calmer he acts the more Logan freaks.</p>
<p>“What the fuck are you going on about?” Logan says. He takes another sip of his wine. The next time he sets down the glass, Jess takes it from him. Neither of them are getting drunk while fighting. Logan scowls but he doesn’t fight him on it. “I’m just engaged, that’s all. It’s what is good for my family. What have you got to do with any of that?”</p>
<p>“Exactly. I haven’t got anything to do with that,” Jess says. He doesn’t own him a heart to heart over his motivations.</p>
<p>Logan takes a moment before speaking again. “C’mon, don’t be unreasonable,” he says, reproachful. “I’ve been with other people over the years, you know that, right? What’s the matter now?”</p>
<p>“Does your girlfriend know about me? Are you planning on telling her?”</p>
<p>Logan doesn’t take long to answer. “No, and?”</p>
<p>“I just don’t think it’s right to be in your marriage like that,” Jess says.</p>
<p>Logan scowls. “You get into people’s marriages all the time! I mean, Charlie was married, wasn’t he? What the fuck’s the difference?”</p>
<p>“The difference is that his wife knew! We’ve been together for years, and you still don’t know the difference between cheating and ethical non-monogamy? Do I really have to explain this to you?”</p>
<p>“Yes! Maybe, yes, you do! You’re the one breaking things off, you’re the one who has an issue, so you owe me a bit of an explanation!”</p>
<p>It’s Jess’ turns to scowl. “No, I really don’t. And now, I’d like for you to leave. I’ve said what I had to say.”</p>
<p>Logan looks like he wants to press harder for a moment, but then he nods and leaves. He doesn’t even slam the door on the way out.</p>
<p>Jess’s lying awake in bed when the text drops.</p>
<p>4:12 AM: u couldve tld me</p>
<p>Jess doesn’t pretend to not know what it means. He’s seen enough of Logan to be able to guess his meaning. Jess could’ve told him that this, that a marriage, would be his deal breaker. But the truth is, things between them weren’t supposed to be such that, if things came to an end, either of them would be bruised by it.</p>
<p>4:19 AM: Im sorry</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. II.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>2018</strong>
</p>
<p>Rory’s publication date is set for July. When the date is first decided on, Rory tells him that everyone in Starts Hollow moans about how far away it seems, but amongst editing and graphic design choices and the stress, it comes as fast as Jess knew it would.</p>
<p>Rory’s grandma, in pure Gilmore fashion, is going to throw a nice big party the night before that Jess is expected to attend — on the one hand, it’s Rory’s big day and he and Rory have been dating for over a year and a half, so he gets it; but on the other, he’d be a happy man if he never had to be in the same room as Emily Gilmore again. Lorelai, again in pure Gilmore fashion, is also going to throw a celebratory party in Stars Hollow on the actual day. Jess is a bit amazed that they actually managed not to have both parties happening on the same day. In addition, Paris somehow has managed to have them promise to come to New York the week after so they can all celebrate.</p>
<p>Overall, it’s a busy month, more for Rory then for him, and as rapidly as it approaches, Jess doesn’t expect many surprises to come with it. He’s thoroughly proven wrong when, on the first day of the month, he gets a text from Logan. It’s the first time he tries to reach out in over two years.</p>
<p>3:16 PM: I know it’s been a while, but I’m gonna be in Philly next week. Think we can meet up?</p>
<p>3:18 PM: There are some things that I’d like to talk to you about</p>
<p>Jess doesn’t answer until the next day, since he doesn’t know what to say. He’s not angry at Logan anymore — that is, if he ever was, which he sometimes doubts. But Logan says he wants to talk, and Jess is not so sure he wants to listen. Still, it wouldn’t be him if he didn’t say:</p>
<p>10:36 AM: Sure. time and place?</p>
<p>They agree to meet the following week. It doesn’t even really cross Jess’ mind no to attend; he shows up on time, but somehow Logan is already there, waiting for him by the door of the coffee shop. He’s scrolling through his phone, but he looks up and smiles as Jess approaches.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Logan says, still smiling softly.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Jess greets back. They hesitate for a moment, not really knowing what to do, because kissing is totally out of question, but a hand shake doesn’t seem right either. In the end, after a couple aborted motions, they just stand there awkwardly until he says, “Let’s go in?”</p>
<p>Logan goes in ahead of him, which is good because it allows Jess to get his <em>Damn, you look good</em> thoughts out of the way in private.</p>
<p>They get drinks, and after a moment’s hesitation, Logan orders some food. “I’m still incredibly jetlagged. Eating helps,” he explains.</p>
<p>“You said you wanted to talk to me,” Jess says instead, because he’d rather get that part of the conversation out of the way as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>Logan nods in understanding. “Yeah, I did. It’s just… I wanted you to hear it first from me, though… maybe that was stupid,” he says self-consciously.</p>
<p>“It’s alright,” Jess says, hoping Logan won’t get cold feet now, because he’s kind of tired of their aborted almost-talks.</p>
<p>“You probably heard about me getting married?” Logan asks more than affirms. Jess nods, because he did hear about the wedding. It took place at the beginning of the year. “Well, we’re… getting a divorce.”</p>
<p>Jess tries not to seem as shocked as he feels. “Oh,” he says. “That was… fast,” he concludes, and thankfully the words don’t come out as mean as they could’ve.</p>
<p>Logan nods sheepishly. “Yeah. But it’s… It’s probably long overdue. Me and Odette, we’ve talked about it. It’s possibly the only meaningful conversation that we had, to be honest,” he adds, still self-conscious. “This to say, neither of us are coming out of this badly.”</p>
<p>Jess nods. There’s a number of snippy remarks he wants to make, but he settles on, “I’m happy for you. Thank you for telling me.” That’s not quite what he means, though, so he adds, “Why did you come here to tell me?”</p>
<p>Logan nods, as if he’s been waiting for that question. He looks right at Jess as he speaks. “I came here because… First of all, because I behaved like a dick, that last time. And part of the reason why I behaved like a dick was for not even telling you about the engagement myself, so I hope this kind of… makes up for that, if that’s possible.” Logan takes a sip of his drink before continuing. “The second reason why I came here is because… You were right. I mean, not that we ever spoke about this, but sometimes you’re expressions said more than enough,” Logan adds.</p>
<p>“What was I right about?” Jess asks, because now he’s feeling lost.</p>
<p>Logan laughs, for some reason. “I don’t know if you remember this, but one time we were together, one of those first times. I told you that my father had asked me to come do a job for him, and that I’d said yes. And you asked why, like you couldn’t understand it. And at the time, I couldn’t understand why you couldn’t understand, but I think I know now. It was like you already knew that, if I went back, I’d have a much harder time leaving again than I already had the first time. And you were right.” He reaches out for Jess’ hand, and Jess wants to pull back, but Logan is starting to look a bit emotional so Jess reaches back. They lace their fingers on top of the table. “You know, all those years, I kept excusing myself on the fact that I was doing what was right for my family… I mean, I quit my job, and then London happened, and then Odette, and then the wedding. And then, a couple months back, I just… Suddenly I realized that my life is the exact same way as it was when I left college. Getting bossed around by my dad and being dishonest and uncaring to the people I care about. And that’s not who I want to be,” he concludes. “So… This is what I’m doing. I talked to Odette and we’re getting a divorce. And I’m quitting my job. And I’m coming back to New York and going to figure out my life.” Absentmindedly, he squeezes Jess’ hand. “Probably gonna end up blowing all my money one way or another and living on Finn’s couch, but I’ll worry about that when it happens.”</p>
<p>Despite his better judgement, Jess huffs a laugh. “I’m sure you’re gonna do great.” And then, because he’s a little shit, he adds, “But I’m also sure Finn’s couch is really nice, so you wouldn’t be suffering from your back. That’s a point in your favor.”</p>
<p>Logan nods, laughing too. “Thanks.” They sit in silence for a moment. “And thanks for listening to me, it helped a lot. And… Maybe this is presumptuous of me, but I don’t want you to think that I came here to “win you back” or something. I know you’re with Rory now, and I wouldn’t try to mess that up. I’m very happy for you, by the way. From where I’m standing, I’d say she’s a very lucky person,” he adds, voice soft and loving. Jess smiles, thankful that Logan didn’t say in a sardonic “you got the girl” way, thankful that it sounds honest and heartfelt.</p>
<p>“Are you going to stay for long?” Jess asks, once the moment has passed.</p>
<p>“A few weeks. Speaking of which, I’ve actually been invited to Rory’s book launch party that Emily’s throwing. But I haven’t RSVPed yet, so I can just… Not go, if it would make you uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>Jess appreciates him asking, even though things are fine between them now, on firmer ground then they’ve been in many years. However, he says, “You should really ask Rory about that. It’s her book, it’s not about me.”</p>
<p>Logan nods, understanding. “Alright then.” He looks at his watch. “Well, I better be off. I still have to drive back to New York, because I’m actually staying on Finn’s couch right now,” he says, making both of them laugh. “And I have a lot of thinking to do, because you’re hearing all about my divorce and my plans before I actually even told my father. So, you know, lucky you,” he adds to Jess’ shocked face.</p>
<p>“You haven’t even talked to him yet?”</p>
<p>“My mind is decided, Jess,” he says firmly.</p>
<p>They’re still holding hands, somehow, so Jess takes his chance to squeeze Logan’s hand reassuringly. “If you ever need any help, you have my number.”</p>
<p>They pay for the drinks and make their way outside, where they stay for a moment, again unsure of what to do. At the last moment, Logan leans in and kisses him, closed-mouth and unassuming and soft, just long enough for Jess to kiss back.</p>
<p>“Well, bye, then,” Logan says.</p>
<p>“Drive safely.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How was Logan?” Rory asks him that night on the phone. She’s been staying in Stars Hollow for the week, helping Lane with her kids and spending some time with her mother, winding down before the big day arrives.</p>
<p>Jess had decided it would be better to tell her about Logan, even though they don’t really ever talk about him. Perhaps that’s why he thought it best. “He was fine. Your grandma invited him to your party, apparently.”</p>
<p>“Of course she did. I’m sorry about that,” she says, slightly exasperated.</p>
<p>“I don’t mind,” Jess says.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that,” Rory says, a bit angrier then before. “Anyway, never mind.” She pauses for a moment. “Are things…” she starts, but doesn’t finish.</p>
<p>Jess knows her well enough to guess how her sentence would end. “Things are fine, Rory,” he says, reminding himself that, because neither of them had ever talked about it, Rory knows next to nothing about him and Logan. He knows much more about their relationship from the bits he got from both over the years, than Rory knows about him. “He was just in town and wanted to talk to me, that’s all.” It’s his turn to pause. “I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>“It’s not that,” Rory answers immediately. “It’s not because his your ex or whatever, and it’s not because he’s a guy, I swear it’s not,” Rory says. “It’s just-” <em>It’s because it’s Logan</em>, Jess finishes off mentally.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he agrees. “Anyway, what did you and the boys get up to today?” he asks when the silence has stretched on for too long.</p>
<p>Rory laughs, immediately remembering whatever she’s about to tell him, and Jess takes a moment to put his phone on speaker so he can lie back into his pillow. He lets out a sigh, making sure the noise is not so loud that Rory would hear it over the phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, you’re going to have to shake a lot of hands, but you don’t actually have to talk with anyone. And my grandma is probably going to say <em>something</em>, so I apologize in advance. And…” Rory keeps rattling off a list of instructions as Jess drives the two of them to her grandmother’s house.</p>
<p>“Rory. Rory,” he calls, putting a hand on her leg for a moment. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. Just enjoy your party.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t look, but he senses Rory nodding as she relaxes into her sit. “I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>Jess rolls his eyes dismissively. “I’m a big boy, I’m sure I can take it,” he says. Rory hits him lightly on the arm for that, which makes them both laugh.</p>
<p>“Shut up,” she says, but there’s a smile on her face now.</p>
<p>On Emily’s orders, they arrive an hour earlier than intended. Jess pulls up into the driveway, suddenly struck by the fact that the last time he was there, Rory was out of college and he had come to give her a copy of his first published book. He’s writing his fifth one now — or trying to. It helps put things into perspective.</p>
<p>“Penny for your thoughts?” he hears Rory asking. Jess looks away from the front of the house and at her. She’s observing him closely.</p>
<p>“Just… It’s been, what, ten years since I’ve been here? Eleven?” he wonders aloud.</p>
<p>Rory’s still looking closely at him, but she’s smiling too. “Well, I’m very glad you’re here now,” she says, reaching out for his hand.</p>
<p>Jess leans in to kiss her and she kisses back, passionately, as if she’s trying to tell him in actions what she just told him in words.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Jess says when they break apart.</p>
<p>As always, Rory smiles. “You too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite all of Rory’s warnings, the party goes surprisingly well. Emily is too busy flaunting Rory around to be able to actually focus on Jess, and on the few times she is able to focus on him, Lorelai seems weirdly intent on not actually letting her. It’s weirdly heart-warming.</p>
<p>Jess also has the opportunity to finally meet Rory’s dad, who came along with Gigi. Gigi is as fine as any fifteen year older he’s ever met and finally meeting Christopher is… interesting. Jess doesn’t actually know what to make of him, so he lets Rory lead the conversation.</p>
<p>“You seem to be making through the evening mostly unscratched,” a familiar voice says to his side at some point during the evening. Jess is pouring a glass for himself on the table outside, but he hands it to Logan instead and prepares another one from himself. “Thanks,” Logan adds.</p>
<p>“So you came,” Jess points out uselessly.</p>
<p>“So I did,” Logan agrees. They make their way to a sit on the corner of the garden. “So, what have you been up to? I was so caught up on everything that I forgot to ask you.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been writing or… trying to, actually. It’s not going very well,” Jess says, a little self-deprecating.</p>
<p>“Writer’s block?” Logan asks.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jess agrees. “I don’t know why, though. I mean, I’ve had blocks before, of course. Tell me a writer who hasn’t. But not like this. It’s a bit unnerving, to be honest,” Jess finishes, taking a sip of his drink.</p>
<p>Logan leans into him, their shoulders brushing for a second. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Logan says, reassuringly.</p>
<p>It doesn’t reassure him in any way, but Jess smiles nonetheless. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Refill?” Logan asks, pointing to his almost empty glass.</p>
<p>“I probably shouldn’t,” Jess says, drinking the last sip. “I’m supposed to be driving.”</p>
<p>“Bring you a Coke, then?” Logan offers. Jess nods to that.</p>
<p>“When are you flying back?” Jess asks when Logan returns.</p>
<p>Logan nods as his whole posture changes. His back even straightens. “Next week. But just for two weeks, just enough to talk to my father and get the divorce on the going. Odette’s planning to go back home too, so I don’t have any reasons to stay.”</p>
<p>“And how are you feeling about that?” Jess asks.</p>
<p>Logan laughs. “Not good, but I’d bet I’ll feel great once it’s done.”</p>
<p>“Cheers to that,” Jess agrees.</p>
<p>That’s how Rory comes to find them, a few minutes later. Jess watches her as she stops in her tracks, taking them in. Logan doesn’t notice anything, too distracted with peeling of the label of Jess’ Coke. Jess smiles at her and she smiles back, taking a deep breath as she closes the distance between them.</p>
<p>“I’ve been looking for you,” she says, coming to stand next to Jess, her hand resting on his shoulder. Her voice makes Logan look up and even though Rory is closer to Jess than to him, their eyes lock, as if they’re taken aback by each other. Jess kind of wishes he wasn’t there for that.</p>
<p>“Rory, hi!” Logan says, breaking the silence. He gets up and they stand there for a moment, not knowing what to do, in what he imagines he and Logan looked like a couple weeks ago.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Rory says, and after a moment’s hesitation she reaches to hug him. He hugs her back, still holding Jess’ bottle. It’s a small hug, inconspicuous for an outside looker. “Thank you for coming,” she says when they’re standing in front of each other again.</p>
<p>“Of course. I’m so happy for you, I’m sure it’ll be a success,” Logan says.</p>
<p>“Well, let’s not jinx it,” Rory says, blushing a little. Her hand is back on Jess’ shoulder and it curls in the way it usually does when she gets nervous about her book. “But don’t forget to grab your copy on the way out.”</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t think of it. Though I’ll be sure to also buy one the first time I see it somewhere,” Logan says.</p>
<p>Rory blushes again. “I really appreciate it.”</p>
<p>They’re at a loss for what to say and Jess can already feel an uncomfortable silence settling in, so he decides to prevent it. “You were looking for me?” he asks her.</p>
<p>Rory shakes her head a little, as if realizing that he is still there. “Yeah, there’s a friends I’d like you to meet. My friends, not my grandma’s,” she adds drily.</p>
<p>“Don’t let me keep you,” Logan says. He looks at Jess first, and then at Rory. “It was good to see you. Congratulations,” he says in Rory’s direction.</p>
<p>“You too,” Rory agrees. “You look… Really good. I hope everything’s good with you.”</p>
<p>Logan looks at his feet sheepishly and looks back up. “Yeah.” He looks at both of them again for a moment. “I’ll be seeing you,” he says before walking off.</p>
<p>It sounds like a promise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s Lorelai’s party the next day that actually gets on his nerves. Not because Lorelai does anything unusual, but rather because he still hates Stars Hollow a bit, hates it especially when everyone in the fucking town reunites in the same space. They’ve gotten more used to him over the years, don’t stare as much when he’s around, or at least that’s what happened until he started dating Rory again. They think he’s not good enough for her and, of course, they make it known. Not even Luke’s angry rants are enough to shut them up. It gets on both his and Rory’s nerves.</p>
<p>Jess spends most of the evening in the kitchen with Luke. He doesn’t help out much, mostly because Luke doesn’t like to get help in the kitchen, but it’s fine because neither of them are much of talker and they’ve grown used to being quiet together over the years.</p>
<p>“Someone spilled wine on the couch,” Rory tells him one time when she comes into the kitchen. She comes to stand close to him, close enough that he can put an arm around her shoulders and she can talk only for the two of them. He brings her even closer so he can kiss her on the head. “You’re definitely not sleeping there tonight.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you’re mother will love that,” he says, voice muffled by her hair.</p>
<p>“<em>She </em>can sleep on the couch if she finds it so fitting,” Rory says gruffly, crossing her arms. She leans more heavily into him. “Are you bored yet?”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about me,” Jess dismisses easily.</p>
<p>Per usual, Rory rolls her eyes. “Of course I worry about you. I like worrying about you,” she says, and Jess doesn’t like to be clingy but… It’s one of his favorite things to have her say.</p>
<p>Someone calls Rory from the living room. She disentangles herself from him and leans in for a kiss. “One more hour, hour and a half tops, and we’re out of here.”</p>
<p>“And going where?” he asks, before kissing her again. Luke screams at them to knock it off.</p>
<p>“I’ve decided that we’re going to sleep at the Inn tonight. It’s my publication day, so I deserve it, and you’ve been a great boyfriend, so you deserve it too,” she says, and despite Luke’s complaints, she kisses him again.</p>
<p>“I look forward to it,” Jess says against her lips. They kiss and then she goes back to the living room.</p>
<p>He watches her go, grabbing his beer from the counter as he does so. His heart jumps in his chest. He’s so in love with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They go back to Philly together the following day, but they only spend a few days there until they have to go to New York to Paris’ party. Paris’ group of friends, some of which Rory knows from college, is a mix of parents with children and other adults with various degrees of responsibility, which means that there’s both booze and children running around. Jess spills on his shirt twice from kids running into his legs, and Rory laughs wholeheartedly both times. Again, he ends up spending most of the evening in the kitchen, but this time it is because he and Paris get into a heated argument the moment he arrives. Rory leaves them to it for the most part.</p>
<p>“You seem awfully relaxed,” she comments as they make their way back to the hotel afterwards. “Should I be worried? Is that something that’s supposed to be worrisome, the fact that my boyfriend relaxes by discussing-” Jess pulls her in for a kiss that’s meant to shut her up, but Rory just laughs into his mouth the whole time.</p>
<p>They go back to Philly then, and this time life settles into some sort of normal. Outside of a few appointments because of her book, Rory has nowhere to be for the foreseeable future. They don’t actually talk about it, but it’s like they’ve both agreed that she’ll be spending her time there. The boxes of books for her to sign even come directly to his address. Them living together, even if not permanently, is as official as it has ever been.</p>
<p>Against Jess’ expectations, it takes some getting used to. It’s not that he’s not used to being around Rory — he is, and he loves it. They even seem to have come to an agreement over the past year of their routine when they’re together: what times they eat, who does the bed in the morning, all those things that come from sharing a space with someone. But he’s been so used to being alone that sometimes it still bothers him to have someone around all the time, with no end in sight. He hates that he thinks like that. It doesn’t stop him from wishing sometimes that he could get his bed back to himself.</p>
<p>Thankfully, though, those little annoyances are just a small part of his day. He loves that he’s getting to share all the whirlwind of her getting her book published: the signings, the interviews, the thrill of the reviews. His favorite parts are when she returns after a couple of days away: there’s something sweet about her leaving and coming back to the same place, and they don’t even have to talk about it beforehand. Returning to each other is just something they do now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the beginning of October, he gets a call from Logan.</p>
<p>“So, I know this is probably not what you meant when you said I could call if I needed anything,” Logan says in place of a hello. “But I could really use your help.”</p>
<p>Jess frowns. “What’s the matter?”</p>
<p>“I’m currently looking for a place to live, and I’ve got some viewings lined up. I could really appreciate a second pair of eyes,” Logan explains. “So, please?”</p>
<p>“And you thought I was the right person for the task?” Jess asks, laughing.</p>
<p>“I think you’d know a little more about the subject than me, seeing that you have your own place. Besides, you’re the only person I trust who’s… currently available,” Logan admits. “Or at least I hope you’re available. Do you think you could take next Friday off?”</p>
<p>Jess sighs. “Logan-” he starts, not really knowing where he wants that sentence to go. Truth be told, he can’t find one good reason to say no other than the fact that Logan has been looking really hot lately and he’d rather not go down that road. “Let me… Rory’s been staying with me, so let me check with her, alright? I promise I’ll let you know soon.”</p>
<p>“Alright,” Logan agrees. His voice has grown softer. “She… She can come too, if she wants. I’m sure it’d be a nice distraction.”</p>
<p>Jess hums. “I’ll let her know.”</p>
<p>When the silence goes on for too long, Logan speaks again, voice light. “Well, I’ll let you go. Let me know if you can come. Remember that we’re trying to save me from Finn’s couch.”</p>
<p>“Will do,” Jess agrees.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He talks to Rory, and she’s silent about it at first but then she tells him he can go if he wants. When he asks her if she’d like to come too, she’s quick to say no.</p>
<p>“How about you come by later?” he suggests. “We can go for dinner, the two of us. Make a date night out of it.”</p>
<p>The idea clearly pleases her. “That I can do,” she agrees.</p>
<p>Jess wakes up early on Friday, so that he can meet Logan at 9 AM. He has planned his viewings so that most of them fall on Friday, one after another — he’s even sent Jess his weirdly well-arranged schedule. He meets Logan at the address of the first house on his list. Logan is dressed, for some reason, in work clothes. He still looks hot, though, which reminds that Jess that his reason for not coming perhaps had more merit to it than he thought.</p>
<p>However, he doesn’t get to focus much of it during the morning. Jess hasn’t lived in New York for decades, and the apartments Logan is seeing are more expensive than anywhere he’s lived in, but he still knows the right questions to ask, the right things to check — things that Logan had clearly never thought about, if his constantly surprised looks are anything to go by.</p>
<p>“You’re saving my life,” Logan tells him at lunch time, as they make their way to one of the places close to the last house they visited. “I’ve never had to do this before, someone always did it for me.” He pauses for a moment. “And I’m sorry about… that, earlier. I had told her that I’m looking for a place for myself,” he adds, referring to the times they got mistaken as a couple.</p>
<p>To be honest, Jess was kind of expecting it. He says so to Logan. He doesn’t know what to make of the look Logan gives him in return.</p>
<p>“How did London go?” Jess asks him later, when they’re already eating.</p>
<p>Logan smiles, but it looks a bit self-conscious. “Not good,” he says. “I mean, I was kind of expecting it. He was very mad at first, especially about the divorce part. Then he got even madder when I told him I was coming back here. Then the story hit the news, which didn’t help. And then he entered a period of silent treatment, which is where we’re currently at.”</p>
<p>“What about your sister?” Jess asks, because he knows they’re kind of close.</p>
<p>“I mean, she’s on my side, of course,” Logan says. “But, you know. She’s not there and she’s got the kids and her job, it’s not like she can do much.”</p>
<p>Jess nods. He hesitates before asking, “Any regrets so far?”</p>
<p>“God, no,” he says immediately. He looks up at Jess and seems to want to stop himself from whatever he’s about to say, but it gets the better of him. “I mean, you’re here, aren’t you?” he says softly, and leaves it at that even though he seems to want to say more.</p>
<p>It leaves Jess at a loss for words. He clears his throat and makes to speak, but he’s never been good at small talk. Logan saves him from it by commenting on whatever is passing on the television in the corner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Rory comes to find him later, he’s still with Logan. He warns her of this when she calls to see where he is, and the knowledge must help because she’s much more ready for it when she sees them then she was that time at her grandma’s party.</p>
<p>They kiss in greeting, and Rory and Logan hug again. It looks a lot less uncomfortable than last time.</p>
<p>“I better be off. Leave you two to whatever you have planned,” Logan says a while later, after all the pleasantries and updates on each other’s lives have been shared. “Jess, again, thanks so much. I really wouldn’t have managed without your help.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Jess agrees. They’re standing awkwardly in front of one another, neither of them knowing what to do. “Let me know if you need anything else.”</p>
<p>Logan nods in agreement and then, after a few awkward waves goodbye, he’s off. Jess watches him walk off for maybe a moment too long, but when he turns to look at Rory she’s still looking at where he just disappeared, so maybe not.</p>
<p>“I still have a hard time picturing you two together,” Rory says a while later, as they make their way back to his car.</p>
<p>“I can see that,” Jess agrees, because he really can. Even he is still amazed by it sometimes.</p>
<p>“It’s just that… You seem such opposites, you know? What to do you even talk about?”</p>
<p>Jess shrugs. “It’s not like we were ever together for long,” he explains. “Nowadays we talk mostly about him.”</p>
<p>“So he is moving here? Alone?” Rory questions. “I… saw the news about the divorce the other day.”</p>
<p>“That’s his plan,” Jess agrees.</p>
<p>Rory looks at him, eyebrow furrowed, and looks back ahead. She hesitates once before saying, “I know I’ve only seen you a couple of times, but- You’re always smiling when you’re with him.”</p>
<p>Jess lets out an awkward laugh. “What does that mean?”</p>
<p>Rory is still looking at him quizzically. “Just… that.”</p>
<p>Jess doesn’t know what to say to that, doesn’t know what to make of it or what Rory is trying to imply, so they walk in silence for a while.</p>
<p>“Would you like to ever come back to New York?” Rory wonders at some point.</p>
<p>“Yes.” Surprisingly, the answer comes out easily, but there’s something reassuring about that. Yes, he’d like to be back. He’s built a nice life for himself in Philly, but even after all these years, New York is still his home.</p>
<p>“Why haven’t you?” Rory asks, head crooked.</p>
<p>Jess shrugs. “When I moved to my apartment, I didn’t have enough money to move to New York. Then it seemed a bit silly to move again when I’d just moved. Besides, my job’s there.”</p>
<p>“Maybe…” Rory starts. “I mean, I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you or anything. But maybe that would be something that we could do together?” she asks, voice filled with hope. “I don’t mind the way things are right now, but you know how tired I am of not having… a home. My things are just scattered around and sometimes it feels like there’s no place for them…”</p>
<p>Jess pulls her closer. “I think I’d like that,” he says.</p>
<p>Rory hugs him even closer. When she speaks, her voice is muffled against his shirt, “Thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their life returns to its normal pace afterwards. Rory goes to Stars Hollow sometimes and Logan calls him a couple times, mostly to get Jess’ opinions on the houses, but sometimes the conversations take a bit of a weird turn, too intimate all of the sudden, or like they’re not sure where they stand sometimes.</p>
<p>“But which one did you like best?” Logan insists for the third or fourth time. They’ve been going over their favorite places for a while now. “The second one or the one with the view?”</p>
<p>“Why does it matter which one I like?” Jess says, a little bit irritated. “It matters which one you like, you’re the one who’s going to be living there.”</p>
<p>“It matters to me,” Logan says quickly. He makes a sound like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t. “I mean, your opinion matters to me.”</p>
<p>Jess sighs. “I- Second one, I guess,” he gives in finally.</p>
<p>There are other times where, from the way Logan talks, Jess has the feelings he feels lonelier than he’s letting on, but that’s something Jess can’t do anything about, so he just makes sure to pick Logan’s calls when they come and that’s that.</p>
<p>One time, a few weeks later, when Rory has just returned home after being away for the week, she’s buzzing with anxious energy, talking rapidly. Jess cooks dinner for them as she tells him how her week has been, knowing that she’ll eventually come out with whatever’s bothering her.</p>
<p>“I’ve been talking to Logan,” she reveals a while later. She says it like it is supposed to mean something, but Jess honestly doesn’t know what.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” he asks simply.</p>
<p>Rory nods. “Yeah,” she agrees. She seems to be waiting for him to say something. When Jess doesn’t say anything, she gives up and moves on. “He… I don’t know if he talked to you about this, but he mentioned that he’d like it if we came for dinner once he’s settled.”</p>
<p>“That’s fine by me,” Jess agrees. He puts the food in the oven, checks the clock, and comes to lean against the wall in front of where Rory is sitting on the counter. Now that they’re face to face, he can see her doubtful look even more clearly. “Is everything alright?”</p>
<p>She opens and closes her mouth a couple times, hesitating on whatever it is that she wants to say. “I just don’t know how you do it,” she admits finally.</p>
<p>Jess frowns, surprised. “Do what?”</p>
<p>“How you… How you can keep on being friends, or being friendly, with your exs. I mean, the times I tried it, it ended going pretty badly,” she says earnestly. “And now I’m talking to Logan again, and we’re just talking, and it’s weird! Honestly, how do you do it?”</p>
<p>“You were friends with me for years,” Jess points out.</p>
<p>Rory rolls her eyes. “Yeah, but that was different. I didn’t see you for so long and my life was so different when I finally saw you… And we only talked a handful of times a year. It’s different.”</p>
<p>She’s still looking at him, waiting for his answer. Jess gives in, “I just… I mean, me and Logan… First of all, we didn’t have anything serious going on. We saw each other a few times a year, that’s all,” he tells her. “We did have a fight when we broke things off, but things didn’t end badly between us. He just did some things I didn’t feel comfortable with.” He pauses. “What I’m trying to say is, in general, in the last few years, I’ve never broken up with someone because we were mad at each other, or because we didn’t like each other anymore. Mostly, I had break ups because a relationship didn’t fit my or their life anymore,” he explains. He remembers Charlie, how they broke up because he was moving away. “It can be weird to find a new normal after, I’ve definitely been there, but if I was dating someone, than that means that I liked them as a person. And if I liked them, why should I have to break all kinds of relationship between us just because we’re not fucking anymore?”</p>
<p>Rory takes it in. “I guess it makes sense,” she agrees. “It just still feel very weird.”</p>
<p>Jess lets go of the wall so he can come stand in front of her. Rory’s hands make their way to his waist. “You don’t have to do it if it makes you uncomfortable,” he tells her.</p>
<p>Rory hesitates. “It’s just… I like talking to Logan, you know? He’s been in my life for so long, I sometimes miss him a lot,” she tells him, blushing suddenly. “I mean, I don’t mean by that that- That I want to be with him, or-”</p>
<p>Jess kisses her on the head. “It’s okay.”</p>
<p>Rory nods, taking a deep breath. She hugs him tighter. “Thank you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They have the dinner with Logan on the first Saturday of December. When Logan comes to open the door for them, he’s dressed in jeans and a sweater and socks. It’s the most casual Jess has ever seen him since they stopped seeing each other.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you could make it,” he tells them, opening the door wider. “The weather looks terrible, I hope you had a safe drive.”</p>
<p>“It was fine,” Rory says, crossing the door. They hug in greeting.</p>
<p>“Here, housewarming gift,” Jess tells him as he passes him, handing him a bottle of wine.</p>
<p>Logan smiles in thanks. “I hope you weren’t the one to pick it. You’re too much of a beer guy for me to trust your taste in wine,” he teases. It makes Rory laugh.</p>
<p>“Very funny,” Jess says.</p>
<p>Logan closes the door behind them and offers to take their coats.</p>
<p>“Your place is looking really nice,” Rory points out, looking around the living room.</p>
<p>Jess looks around. Logan did pick the second house.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Logan says. “It’s still a bit empty, but I’m getting there.”</p>
<p>“Well, I like it,” Rory says definitely, smiling at him.</p>
<p>“Feel free to check the rest of it out,” Logan says. He puts a hand on Jess’ lower back and it takes a lot of self-control for him not to jump at the unexpected touch. Logan’s hand is surprisingly warm, Jess can feel it even over all the layers.</p>
<p>“Sure you don’t mind?”</p>
<p>Logan dismisses her. “Of course not, I’ve no secrets,” he says. “We’ll be in the kitchen.”</p>
<p>Logan’s hand stays in his back just for a while longer, and then they’re making their way to the door on the right, where the kitchen is.</p>
<p>“I assume you won’t be cooking,” Jess says as Logan starts opening the bottle of wine.</p>
<p>Logan laughs. “I considered it, but then I thought that you deserved better than food poisoning.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you’re so considerate,” Jess teases, leaning against the counter next to Logan. Logan looks at him, their eyes crossing for just a moment, before focusing back on the task at hand.</p>
<p>“I’m ordering in. There’s a really nice pizza place a couple streets over,” he explains. He puts the wine aside and leans his hip against the counter so he can look at Jess. “How are things?”</p>
<p>“They’re good,” Jess says honestly. Logan smiles, as if it pleases him to hear that.</p>
<p>“I’m glad.”</p>
<p>“The place is looking really good, Logan,” Rory says, coming into the kitchen. “But I don’t understand, why three bedrooms?”</p>
<p>Logan shrugs. “I mean, why not?” he says, which makes both him and Rory roll their eyes. “Alright, that’s worst when it’s in stereo. Please don’t ever do that again,” he says. Rory chokes a laughter against Jess’ shoulder. “But to answer your question, one is mine, one is if I ever need another one, and one is for my office.” Jess snorts, which makes Rory laugh. Logan glares at him. “Asshole,” he says, moving to get something from the cupboard. He comes back with two wine glasses. “Beer’s in the fridge,” he says to Jess.</p>
<p>“Oh, he knows you so well,” Rory coos, teasingly. It’s Logan’s turn to laugh.</p>
<p>The pizza comes and they move to the couch to eat it. It looks like way too much food, but then Rory says, “I’m starving,” so Jess rethinks his assessment.</p>
<p>Overall, it’s… Easier than he expected. He never felt the need to imagine what the three of them in the same room for a long amount of time would entail, but things click easily. There’s a lot of light banter and few teasing quips, but the conversation flows nonetheless. And Logan never makes it awkward when Rory leans into Jess or when they’re sitting closely side by side. The three of them, they’re comfortable in each other’s presence, Jess realizes. It’s a pleasant surprise.</p>
<p>“Why don’t we do this more often?” Logan says after dinner. He’s bough a chocolate cake from a place nearby which they’ve pretty much devoured, and now they’ve taken to lazing around. Jess is at a corner of the couch, his back against the arm rest, and Rory has her back to his chest and her legs on the sofa. Logan is sitting on the armchair across from them.</p>
<p>“I can tell you why we don’t do this more often,” Jess says, making sure to keep his voice light. “It’s because the last time this happened, things went really badly. I don’t know if you remember why, but it was your fault.”</p>
<p>Rory snorts. “He’s right, you know.”</p>
<p>Logan rolls his eyes and pretends to pout, but he takes it in stride. “You guys are so funny,” he says.</p>
<p>“But, I mean. Things are different now. I wouldn’t mind doing this again,” Rory says, and it makes Logan smile, pleased and content.</p>
<p>“What are you guys doing for the holidays?” Logan asks, leaning to refill his glass.</p>
<p>“Stars Hollow, I guess,” Rory says, turning her head to look at him. Jess nods in agreement. “At least for Christmas. New Year’s might be just us,” she adds. “What about you?”</p>
<p>Logan shrugs. “Still figuring it out. I’m spending New Year’s with the boys, but not sure about Christmas. I don’t think it’d be much good for me and my dad to be together in the same room for a long amount of time.”</p>
<p>Jess grimaces. Rory says, “I’m sorry. What about Honor?”</p>
<p>“She always spends it with the family,” he explains. “But she has invited me for a couple days after Christmas. I’ll probably take her up on it.”</p>
<p>“Well, we’ll be out of town for Christmas, but if you’re feeling lonely before that, feel free to come by,” Rory says.</p>
<p>Jess nods, “Yeah, absolutely.”</p>
<p>“You know where we- I mean, where Jess lives?” Rory wonders, tilting her head.</p>
<p>Logan nods, smiling bashfully. “Yeah, I do,” he says. Rory squirms slightly, so Jess leans in to kiss her head.</p>
<p>They decide it’s better to leave a while later. Rory needs to go to the bathroom before going, so Jess busies himself with putting on his coat while Logan looks at him while he does it.</p>
<p>“I’m very glad you came,” Logan says when Jess looks up.</p>
<p>Jess nods, looking back. “Me too,” he agrees.</p>
<p>Logan reaches out his hand. He hesitates for a moment, but then his hand lands on Jess’. This time, he’s not surprised by the touch. Logan has the time to swipe his thumb across Jess’ hand a couple of times before Rory returns and he breaks the contact. He’s blushing a bit. Jess tries not to grin too hard at that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Logan doesn’t take them up on their offer. Regardless, Christmas comes quicker than Jess expected, and soon he finds himself on the way to Starts Hollow. He’s staying at Rory’s house as per usual, but they’re all coming over to his mother’s for Christmas Eve dinner. Jess doesn’t know exactly how he feels about it, but Rory holds his hand as they arrive and that makes it easier.</p>
<p>However, dinner goes well, even though they’re eight people sitting around a table made for four. His mother seems happy to see him, and Jess lets her hug him when he arrives. He even makes sure to pay attention to Doula whenever she’s trying to grab his attention. He’s still glad on they’re on their way back to Lorelai and Luke’s earlier than expected.</p>
<p>Jess is walking alone until Rory finishes talking to her mom and comes to stand next to him again. “So, I’ve been talking to my mom,” Rory says, “and she says that since April’s taking the couch, you’re allowed to stay in a mattress in my bedroom,” she tells him solemnly, even as her face is trying not to break into a laugh. Jess closes his eyes, shaking his head, laughing as well.</p>
<p>“You are aware of how ridiculous this whole situation sounds, right?” he asks her, pulling her close to him. “Your mother is aware we’re not sixteen anymore?”</p>
<p>“No, she isn’t,” Rory says, still laughing. She leans in to kiss his cheek. “The only thing in her favor is that I don’t think we’d fit in the bed anyway.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure that’s all part of her plan,” Jess answers. Rory rolls her eyes at that, but she doesn’t deny it.</p>
<p>Lorelai manages to convince Luke to make them all hot chocolate when they arrive, and they’re all on the couch, talking, when Jess’ phone vibrates in his pocket. When he takes it out, he’s met with Logan’s name.</p>
<p>“I’ll be right back,” he tells Rory before getting up and going outside. He forgets to bring a coat, and the cold makes him chilled in a moment.</p>
<p>"Merry Christmas," Logan tells him when Jess picks up.</p>
<p>Against his better judgment, Jess smiles. "You could've texted," he points out.</p>
<p>He can almost feel Logan pouting. "Well, and you could be nicer, couldn't you?"</p>
<p>"Happy Christmas," Jess wishes back, still smiling. "So, how has your night been?"</p>
<p>"I'm home alone with a bottle of wine and I ate store-bought turkey for Christmas, so you can guess how I'm doing," Logan points out.</p>
<p>"Well, lucky you."</p>
<p>"Luck me," Logan mocks back. Jess can hear him taking a sip of said wine.</p>
<p>Jess thinks of dragging this on a little longer, but it's freezing outside and he's never been one for beating around the bush. "Logan, why did you call?" he asks. “I mean, a text I’d understand, but-”</p>
<p>"To wish you merry Christmas," Logan answers, cutting him off. As if it’s that easy. It makes him sneer, and Logan must feel it because he corrects himself. "I just wanted to talk to you." His voice is so soft.</p>
<p>It brings a lump to Jess' throat. "Logan..."</p>
<p>Logan laughs, hollow. "C'mon, you can't tell me you haven't noticed. I have next to zero impulse control, so I know that I've been as obvious as I could be without spelling it out."</p>
<p>Jess sighs. He almost wishes he hadn't picked up. "What are you playing at?"</p>
<p>"Nothing," Logan says, and he sounds honest. "I'm not trying to bother you and I’m really not trying to come between you two. I- Perhaps old me would, but I wouldn't do it."</p>
<p>"I know you wouldn't," Jess agrees.</p>
<p>"If this is too much, tell me to back off and I will," Logan continues. “I think it's cute when you're caught by surprise when I do something, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable."</p>
<p>“You don’t make me uncomfortable,” Jess reassures him. "Is it..." he starts, and he knows perhaps he shouldn't, but he wants to know. “Is it just me?"</p>
<p>Logan laughs, a bit self-deprecating. "Both." He sighs. "Lucky me, eh?"</p>
<p>Jess nods. "Well... You're not as obvious with her," he points out.</p>
<p>"Oh, I'm just as obvious with her, she's just worse at reading the signs than you. Or she's just better at ignoring them, I'm not sure," he adds.</p>
<p>They stay in silence for a few seconds, but Jess can hear him breathe on the other side of the line. It's oddly intimate.</p>
<p>"Were it anyone else-" Jess starts. "It’s just, you know that's not the kind of relationship I have with her. She doesn't do open," Jess reminds him.</p>
<p>"How can you be sure?" Logan asks.</p>
<p>"I know her," he says simply. "Were it anyone else, the relationship would definitely look different. You know I’m not monogamous. But it’s Rory and I’ve known her for a long time. And I’m fine with the way things are, really. Non-monogamy… That's not her idea of commitment. I don't relate to that, but I respect it and I wouldn't ask it of her."</p>
<p>"But how can you know if you're not honest?" Logan asks again, winy and pleading, but before Jess can answer, he continues, "I'm sorry, that was out of line. It's your relationship. I won't bring this up again."</p>
<p>Jess nods. "It's alright," he says, not knowing if he really means it.</p>
<p>Logan laughs again, still self-deprecating, a few seconds later. "God, I'm very happy that you're happy together, but I hate that it took me so long to figure my shit out," he says.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Jess agrees.</p>
<p>"But I really mean it, Jess. If I'm being out of line, let me know," he says again. "It's not on purpose, but when I'm around you-"</p>
<p>"Who are you talking to?" he hears Rory say from behind him. He turns around quickly, caught off guard, putting the phone down. She's standing by the door with her arms around her.</p>
<p>"It's Logan," he says. Rory's eyes widen in surprise. "He called to wish merry Christmas. Do you... You want to talk to him?"</p>
<p>"Oh," she says, still surprised. "I- Alright, then. Just let me go get a coat."</p>
<p>He watches her turn around and brings the phone to his ear again. "Rory's coming to wish you merry Christmas," Jess says. There's something else he needs to say. "I don't know if this is worth much," he begins, voice lower than before, "but for what it's worth, I'm very proud of you."</p>
<p>"Jess-"</p>
<p>"I think you've done the right thing," he finishes, and the lump on his throat doesn't ease back, but at least he's said his piece.</p>
<p>"Well, you better stop it. I'm just drunk enough that I'll start crying if you keep going," Logan retorts. It makes Jess laugh, overwhelmed, and Logan laughs back. "Thank you. It's worth a lot."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Jess agrees. He hears Rory's footsteps behind him. "Well, you better sober up because I'm handing the phone to Rory," he tells Logan, trying for a lighter tone.</p>
<p>"Bye, Jess."</p>
<p>"Bye," he says before lowering the phone. Rory's standing by his side now, looking at him with a weird look on her face.</p>
<p>"Are you alright?" she asks, taking the phone from his hand.</p>
<p>Jess shrugs. "Why wouldn't I be?" he says dismissively. "I'll be inside, it's freezing here," he grunts out.</p>
<p>He leaves her there on his phone, but even as she begins to talk, Jess can still feel her eyes on his back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is everything really alright?” Rory asks him later. They’re lying in her bed, extra mattress forgotten. “Was it dinner with your mother?”</p>
<p>“No,” he tells her, holding her even closer. “Dinner was fine. It’s nothing, really.”</p>
<p>Jess can see her mulling over his answer. He’s glad when she says, “Well, if you need to talk, you know I’m here.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I do,” he agrees. He turns to turn off the bedside lamp. “Love you. Goodnight.”</p>
<p>“Night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>2019</strong>
</p>
<p>They spend New Year with Paris, after she invites them at the last minute, then Rory goes back to Stars Hollow to help her mother with something that came up. Jess goes back to Philly in the meantime and he enjoys a couple weeks alone — he’s finally gotten out of his writer’s block, which is a relief, and the time alone really helps him catch up on his writing. In the middle of all that, a few weeks pass before he and Logan talk again.</p>
<p>7:51 PM: I was thinking, I could take you up on that offer if it’s still open?</p>
<p>Jess reads the text allowed to Rory. She looks up from her work, head resting on her hand.</p>
<p>“I’d be fine with it,” she says.</p>
<p>Logan comes by the next day, and it goes pretty much the same as it went in New York: they have dinner and they’re all more comfortable together than one should expect, and they stay up until perhaps a bit too late, and then Logan leaves. Despite the fact that all the relationships they share having developed totally separate from one another, it’s easy to reach something that serves all three of them.</p>
<p>Sooner than expected, it starts to become routine. Every couple weeks he and Rory go to New York, or Logan comes over, and they spend some time together. Sometimes, it’s just two of them, if Rory had to go to New York for business and ended up meeting up with Logan, or if Logan happens to come by when Rory is not around. They usually have dinner, but sometimes they do something else: go for a walk, or go to a museum that one time Rory was excited about an exhibit.</p>
<p>April arrives quicker than usual, and with it his birthday, and Rory takes him out to a few nights away, to some place where they can laze around and have sex and stare at Nature the whole day.</p>
<p>“You don’t like nature,” Jess says.</p>
<p>“Well, at least you don’t have to cook,” Rory points out while they’re on the way.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t have to cook all the time if you helped,” Jess teases, even though it’s something he doesn’t mind.</p>
<p>Rory doesn’t take her eyes of the road, but she does hit him the arm for that.</p>
<p>Charlie calls him in the afternoon of his birthday, as he always does. They always call each other on birthdays to give well wishes and to update each other on their lives. Rory is out for a walk at the moment — she’s surprisingly gotten into that habit lately — and their conversation somehow ends up going a bit deeper than usual. Jess is not sure how he ends up talking about the whole mess with Logan.</p>
<p>"We're talking about the same Logan as before? The one who sometimes came by while we were dating?" Charlie checks.</p>
<p>"Yeah, the same one," he agrees.</p>
<p>"And he also happens to be your ex-girlfriend's-slash-current-girlfriend's ex, who she also saw on and off for the last decade?" Charlie checks again, his tone more teasing than Jess would've liked. When he puts it like that, it makes him cringe over the whole situation.</p>
<p>"Exactly," he agrees.</p>
<p>Charlie laughs. "Oh, man. I'm so enjoying this whole telenovela thing you've got going on. Who would've guessed, you of all people?" he says, still laughing.</p>
<p>Jess rolls his eyes. "I'm glad I amuse you."</p>
<p>"Oh, you really do," Charlie says. "What are you going to do with all that?" he asks, more serious.</p>
<p>"Nothing," he says plainly. "What do you want me to do with it?"</p>
<p>"Seriously?" Charlie asks. "All three of you are pining for one another and you're not going to do anything about it? From where I'm standing, sounds a bit like a waste."</p>
<p>Jess sighs. "Rory's not like us, Charles. She doesn't want an open relationship, she never has."</p>
<p>"I understand that," Charlie says. "And even though I never thought that's what you wanted, if you tell me you're happy, I'll believe it a hundred percent. However, what I'm talking about here isn't an open relationship per se. I'm not talking about you going off on dates with strangers. You're all in love with the same people. This is not some hypothetical scenario, it's something that's really happening."</p>
<p>"Hey, I'm not in love with him," Jess refutes. At least he's not sure he is, and he'd rather figure that one out on his own. "And I'm not sure Rory is either."</p>
<p>"Fair enough," Charlie agrees easily. "But you do want to take him to bed and on the occasional date, no? And your girlfriend seems to want the same, right?"</p>
<p>"I guess," he agrees.</p>
<p>"Then what is the matter?" Charlie asks. Jess opens his mouth to answer, but he beats him to it. "Look, I'm not saying you have to. I'm sure that if you'd just let it die down, it would. But you told me that you keep on going to dinner together and doing stuff together, and it doesn't seem like either of you want it to die down."</p>
<p>Jess shrugs. "I don't want to lose her, Charles," he tells him, because when it comes down to it, he knows that's what really bothers him. That that's the reason he just didn't come all out about who he is when he had the chance. "I love her. And I'm happy with the way things are. I don't want to ruin it."</p>
<p>"Well, you know I can't tell you what to do. But what I can tell you is that you have to stop fearing telling her things. I understand that you guys go way back and that there's a lot of water under that bridge, but you hiding yourself is not fair to her, and it isn't fair to you. So... Tell her because you want to. This doesn't even have to be about Logan. Just tell her, because you owe that to yourself. Or don't, if you don't feel like you need to. It's your choice. But don't ruin what you have, whether that is your relationship with her or your relationship with your boy, just because you're afraid. It serves no one."</p>
<p>It takes a minute for Jess to speak again. There’s a bit of a lump in his throat. "You're the only one I let talk to me like that, you know?" he points out, trying to make their conversation light again.</p>
<p>"And I'm very honored by that," Charlie answers, chuckling. "Now, enjoy the rest of your birthday. And just... Do what feels right. Regardless of what that is or what happens, you know I'm in your corner."</p>
<p>"Thank you," he says. "Say hello to Olivia for me."</p>
<p>"Will do," Charlie agrees.</p>
<p>They hang up soon after and Jess is left trying to figure out what to make of his conversation with Charlie. Because fundamentally, Jess agrees with him. It does feel like a waste to throw their whole relationship with Logan away just for fear of the unknown. But more importantly, Jess does need to stop feeling like he’s hiding.</p>
<p>When Logan calls him later in the day, just as he and Rory make it back to their bedroom after dinner, he’s nowhere near as surprised as he was when he got the call on Christmas.</p>
<p>“I was beginning to convince myself you weren’t gonna call,” Jess teases as he answers. He takes his shoes off and gets on the bed on top of the covers. Rory sits next to him with her laptop, close enough that she can listen to the phone even though it is not on speaker, signaling him to say hi. “Also, Rory says hi.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I missed you too,” Logan says. “Happy birthday. How has the lovers’ getaway been treating you?” he asks, partly teasing but mostly with honest curiosity.</p>
<p>“It’s going great,” Jess says. Next to him, Rory smiles. “How has work been treating you?”</p>
<p>Logan groans. “I’m exhausted. Who knew starting a new job was so hard?”</p>
<p>“I’d say most people. You just got lucky not having to experience it so far,” Jess replies.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I think I’ll be the one needing a vacation soon.”</p>
<p>Rory comes closer to him so she can speak into the phone. “We’re not on vacation. Jess is still working on his book and I’ve also been working,” she says.</p>
<p>“Of course you are,” Logan answers, not at all impressed. Rory snorts a laugh. “Well, I’m gonna leave you two alone. Please put your laptops away and enjoy your romantic escapade, otherwise you’re just making fun of us hard-working people.”</p>
<p>Rory laughs again. “Oh, poor you,” Rory says, just as Jess adds, “I’m sure you’ll survive.”</p>
<p>“Pray for me,” Logan says.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It takes until they’re on their way back to Philly for Jess to decide he’s going to tell her. He’s going to be honest about himself, and depending on how things turn out, he might bring Logan up, probably at a later date.</p>
<p>When they finally sit down a couple days later to talk, the conversation goes, against all his expectations, well. He’s honest about who he is and the type of relationships he’s had, and Rory is surprised and astonished, but she takes it in stride. She’s quick to ask questions and she takes time to listen to him, and when Jess tells her, “But I love the way we have things. I love our relationship, exactly as it stands. And I love you,” she’s the one to pull him in and say, “In all the time we’ve spent together, I’ve never doubted that.”</p>
<p>“You know you’re not the only person I know who’s had open relationships, right?” Rory asks him at some point, after they’ve been cuddling in silence on the couch for a while. “I mean, I’m pretty sure Paris and Doyle see other people.”</p>
<p>Even though Jess is still coming out of his stressed out state, he somehow manages to laugh at that. “Somehow, I’m not surprised.”</p>
<p>“Besides,” Rory says, more seriously, “I’m a girl of the world, now. I’ve seen plenty. And,” she cradles his head to help him lift it. “I’ll admit the a few years ago I’d probably have struggled hard with this, and I won’t say there won’t be moments where I need some reassurance. But if there’s something I’ve always understood, Jess, it’s you. I don’t think that there’s any part of yourself that you could show me that I wouldn’t get and that I wouldn’t love.”</p>
<p>Stupidly, ridiculously, Jess feels himself blush. Rory’s eyes widen in surprise and she laughs. “Oh, shush,” he says, putting his head down on her shoulder again. He makes sure to hold her closer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the end, he’s not the one to bring Logan up. Jess has decided to leave him out of the equation for now, to let him and Rory get back to normal after his revelations. He doesn’t want her to think he only told her because he wanted something out of it. He was also stupid enough not to think that Rory wouldn’t simply connect the dots herself.</p>
<p>She has come to pick him up for lunch a few days after their talk, and they’re walking to their favorite nearby place when she asks, “Does Logan know? About the fact that you’re polyamorous?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course,” Jess agrees easily. “I mean, I’ve had relationships during the time when we were… together.”</p>
<p>“And does he think we…” she wonders, leaving the rest of the question hanging.</p>
<p>“I’ve always told him it’s just us,” Jess tells her.</p>
<p>“So, you’ve talked about it?” Rory asks him. She has turned her head so she can look at him while she speaks, but Jess keeps on looking forward.</p>
<p>“It has come up, yeah,” Jess agrees.</p>
<p>Rory laughs. “You’re really going to make me do all the work here, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Jess turns to her with a frown. “What work?”</p>
<p>Rory rolls her eyes. “Oh, c’mon. I’m not blind, you know?” she tells him. Jess can hear the slight exasperation in her tone. “I might be going out on a limb here, and I know that I don’t know how you two used to be, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that you guys touch an awful lot. I mean, you’re definitely not like that with Matthew or Chris.”</p>
<p>Jess could continue to pretend he doesn’t get what she’s saying, but that’s not like him. “You touch a lot too,” he points out, perhaps pettily. “All the hugs and shit.”</p>
<p>Rory laughs and doesn’t deny it. Instead, she says, “So I’m not wrong in thinking that you have thought about being with him while also being with me?”</p>
<p>“I have, but…” He looks at her. “It doesn’t mean anything, Rory. I like what we have. And in my defense, Logan brought it up first.”</p>
<p>“Of course he did,” Rory agrees, still smiling, totally unsurprised. She squeezes his arm tighter for a moment. “Jess, I’m not doubting that you have been faithful to me. I guess… The reason I brought this whole conversation up was because I might not be opposed to it?” she asks more than affirms.</p>
<p>Jess turns so he can properly look at her. “Really?”</p>
<p>Rory shrugs. “I mean, I don’t think I’d be comfortable right now if you just started to go out with other people. Maybe one day I will, but right now it’s not for me. But it’s Logan. I’ve known him for ages, he’s one of the people I feel the most comfortable with. I think… I’d need you to tell me how you actually manage to have more than one relationship, because I’m not sure how you do it. But I’ve been thinking, and I think that this is something I want. And it seems like it’s something you want too. And if we’re all on the same page, Logan included of course, then… Why not?”</p>
<p>“It is something I want,” Jess agrees. “And from what I know, it’s something he wants too.”</p>
<p>Rory takes his hand. “Then, why not?” she asks again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s a few weeks until they see Logan again. They don’t talk extensively on the subject, at least not in any specific terms, but they don’t avoid it either. Rory is comfortable with sharing her questions and doubts, and Jess has never minded answering them, can honestly never picture a world where he doesn’t simply enjoy talking to her. What does shift, if only for the better, is their dynamic somehow: they’re more secure in it now, closer than before, and if that’s because they’ve chosen to acknowledge the feelings that have been growing for a while, or if it’s just Jess’ own perception due to the fact that he’s not hiding anymore, he doesn’t know. All he knows is that he loves it, and that he’s so damn grateful.</p>
<p>They agree to have dinner with Logan at his place one night, and it’s on the drive there that Rory finally lets her nerves come forth. “We should have a plan,” she says, not for the first time.</p>
<p>“What plan?” Jess asks. “We’ll go there, have dinner, and then talk about it when it feels right. It won’t be hard.”</p>
<p>Rory groans, more due to nerves than irritation. “Yeah, but what will we even say? ‘Hey, we’ve been talking about it, and after all I’m fine with you making out with my boyfriend and also with me’,” she mocks.</p>
<p>“I’m sure that for Logan that’d be more than enough,” Jess agrees playfully. Against her will, she cracks a laugh. “Truly, it’ll be fine. And it’s no pressure. If it doesn’t come up, then it doesn’t. We’ll do it next time.”</p>
<p>Rory glares at him. “When did you get so clever?” she teases.</p>
<p>It doesn’t take long after that for them to arrive. When Logan comes to open the door, he’s dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt; he’d stopped dressing up for them a long time ago.</p>
<p>“You’re late,” he complains as they enter.</p>
<p>Rory rolls her eyes. “Five minutes, it barely counts,” she says, leaning in for a hug. “So, what’s for dinner?”</p>
<p>“Well, I’ve tried my hand on the recipe Jess gave me,” he says, watching as Rory’s eyes widen in delight. He still has an arm around her shoulders. “But I make no promises for quality, so I also have frozen pizzas just in case. It still needs about ten more minutes, but want to come see if it looks nice?”</p>
<p>Rory disentangles herself from him. “You boys go do that. I’m gonna pick a movie.”</p>
<p>“It’s been a while since we saw each other,” Logan says as they make their way to the kitchen. “You know, with your birthday and everything. But you’re looking good.”</p>
<p>Jess goes over to the oven to see the lasagna. On the surface at least, it looks like it’s doing nicely. “Things are great right now,” Jess says. “And your lasagna is looking good. A bit too burned already-”</p>
<p>“Hey! I used the temperature you gave me!” Logan complains.</p>
<p>Jess chuckles. “I know, but every oven is different,” he says. He comes to stand in front of Logan, who for some reason, is looking nervous about something. “Is everything alright?”</p>
<p>Logan nods. “Yeah. Just… I wanted to give you something.” He reaches for a wrap on the corner of the counter that Jess is only now noticing. “Birthday present,” Logan adds, giving it to him.</p>
<p>“You didn’t need to-”</p>
<p>Logan sighs, exasperated, like he was already expecting him to say that. “Honestly, it’s nothing. It’s just symbolic.” Jess wants to protest to that, mostly because Logan has never been moderated a day in his life, but Logan says, “If I tell you it was less than twenty bucks, would you take it?”</p>
<p>Jess nods, defeated. “Alright, then,” he agrees.</p>
<p>He opens the wrapping paper to find a blue notebook and a pen. As he looks it over, Logan says, “I know you prefer to write mostly on your computer, but I’ve heard that writing by hand may help with writer’s block and I also know that you tend to leave all those pieces of paper around the house, so now you have a place to put them. And the pen — here, turn it around,” Logan adds, reaching to turn it around himself. Jess can now see his initials engraved at the top of the pen. He smiles. “You’ve written like, four books, so I still don’t know how you don’t have an engraved pen, but now you do.”</p>
<p>Jess tries not to look as overwhelmed as he feels: he’s never been good at receiving gifts, especially ones that are thoughtful enough that he can tell are meant for him. “Logan,” he says, looking up. He reaches for his hand. After that first time, the touch has gotten easier. “Thank you. I love it.”</p>
<p>Logan is looking at him and smiling. He squeezes his hand. It makes him smile too. “I know I shouldn’t say things like this, but if we were under other circumstances, I’d probably kiss you right now,” Logan says.</p>
<p>And, yeah, he can’t just say things like that, especially now that Jess doesn’t have any good reason for not pulling him in. Which is exactly what he does. He pulls Logan to him by the hand he’s still holding, and Logan seems surprised by that, but he seems ready when Jess leans to close the distance between them. He kisses like he’s ready for it, too. Like he’s been waiting for this for some time now.</p>
<p>“What’s this about? Please don’t do this to me,” Logan says, leaning his forehead against Jess’. Jess’ hands have found their way to Logan’s back, and the notebook is probably digging uncomfortably into it, but Logan makes no move to leave.</p>
<p>Unable to stop himself, Jess leans in to kiss him again. “I probably shouldn’t have done this,” Jess says, and it’s only when Logan’s face starts to fall that he realizes that that was probably not the best thing to say. “I mean, it’s not what you think. It’s just- I’m pretty sure Rory had this whole speech planned-”</p>
<p>Now Logan seems confused. “What’re you talking about?”</p>
<p>Jess shakes his head, trying to collect himself. “Just… Come.” He takes Logan’s hands again and pulls him into the living room, where they find Rory on the floor with two boxes of Logan’s old DVDs next to her.</p>
<p>“Dinner ready?” she asks, looking up, but immediately frowns when she sees them. “What happened?” Her tone is worried.</p>
<p>“Remember how I told we’d bring it up when it felt right?” Jess wonders. Rory’s frown deepens. “So, it felt right. We kissed,” he tells her. Rory’s expression clears in sudden understanding, and she mouths a silent ‘oh’.</p>
<p>“Alright, I’m kind of lost,” Logan says. “Would you explain what’s going on?”</p>
<p>Rory gets up and comes towards them, so Jess lets her take over. “Me and Jess, we’ve been talking, and… Maybe we’re getting this wrong, but I think we’re not. We’d like to be with you, if you want,” she finishes. Jess was expecting some rambling, but it seems like the nerves have made her quieter than usual.</p>
<p>Logan seems surprised, but he’s smiling too, clearly pleased. “Really?” he asks, looking between Jess and Rory. “Both of you?” he adds in disbelief.</p>
<p>Rory shrugs. She takes a step closer. “I mean, I don’t know about you and Jess, but personally… I know we got a lot of things wrong in the past, and I don’t want to fall down that hole again. I’m a bit tired of getting things wrong,” she explains, slightly self-deprecating. “So, it would have to look different. But I think, now, I’m willing to try and find out how to do it right. If you want to.”</p>
<p>Logan is smiling even harder, which makes Rory smile too. Quietly, Jess lets go of his hand and takes a step back.</p>
<p>“I really want to,” Logan says. His hands find their way to Rory’s waist. “I promise I’m gonna try and be better.”</p>
<p>Rory nods in agreement, still smiling. “I know you will.”</p>
<p>Jess turns away and goes back to the kitchen as they kiss. It’s their moment, and they’ve allowed him to witness it so far, but they deserve their privacy.</p>
<p>Rory comes to find him a few minutes later, just as Jess is grabbing the plates and cutlery for dinner.</p>
<p>“You didn’t need to leave,” she tells him, leaning against the door frame.</p>
<p>Jess turns towards her, smiling. “I didn’t mind. You deserved a few minutes alone.”</p>
<p>Rory nods in understanding. “So you didn’t mind, us two together?”</p>
<p>Jess feels his eyes widening in surprise. He puts down the stuff he’s holding. “No, of course not. I knew it was bound to happen,” he says. He moves closer for a hug. “I truly didn’t mind. I was just giving you space. I’m happy for you.”</p>
<p>They’re still hugging, so Jess feels more than sees Rory nodding. “You do know I still think this is weird, right? I mean, I’m excited, and I’m clearly not opposed to it, but…”</p>
<p>“It can take some getting used to,” Jess agrees.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rory agrees.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not much else happens that night. They eat dinner and then sit on the couch and talk for a while, but Jess and Rory leave before it gets too late. While Rory goes to the bathroom before they go, he and Logan kiss again, properly and with more certainty this time, and then Jess pretends to have forgotten something in the kitchen to give them a couple of minutes. He knows Rory wouldn’t know how to ask for it yet.</p>
<p>After that, it takes a while for everything to truly fall into place. Rory leaves for Stars Hollow the week after, so Logan suggests he comes over for a few days and Jess does. They fall into bed as quickly and as easily as they used to, and it’s just as good and as much fun as before. Part of why he likes it so much might be because he hadn’t been with a guy for so long, but he feels that most of it is just that he’s missed Logan. It’s not a thought that surprises him, and he’s not bothered by it either.</p>
<p>They start so see Logan separately more than they used to, maybe because dinners together get a bit weird. If, before, their relationships fell together surprisingly well, now they’re all, Jess included, a bit at a loss of what’s comfortable and what’s not. Jess doesn’t mind living them alone for a few minutes at a time while they’re together, and he has noticed Rory doing the same sometimes, but then they’ll all be sitting together and Logan will reach out to touch him, or Rory will cuddle up with Logan instead of him, and the mood suddenly gets uncomfortable. They try to remember that they already knew how to be together; now they just get to do it with less pining and more touching. It’s all part of the learning curve, though, and that’s what Jess tells Rory when she asks him if maybe they’re doing it wrong.</p>
<p>And it does get better. It takes some conversation and some trial and error, but they stop being so jumpy in each other’s presence, learn how to strike a balance between all three of them. Rory stops blushing and stammering when she catches he and Logan kissing or making out, and Jess stop hesitating when he wants to reach for one of them in the other’s presence. A couple months in, Logan comes to spend a few days with at Jess’ with him and Rory, and they have to figure out sleeping arrangements, but everything goes well. Jess still prefers when he gets to be with one of them at a time, but there’s something particularly sweet about getting to do it with both of them together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the summer, Paris invites them over for dinner one day, and Jess doesn’t know what she says when Rory asks if Logan can come too, but they go all three of them together. It’s probably the best occasion they had to be three of them, together, in front of someone: Paris teases them a lot, but she never makes them feel unwelcomed.</p>
<p>After dinner, Logan and Jess find themselves on the couch while Rory and Paris finish up their conversation at the table. Logan is unexpectedly entertained with playing some kind of game with the kids, but Jess finds himself catching more of the girls’ conversation than he intends. In his defense, Paris has never spoken softly a day in her life.</p>
<p>“Look at you, who would’ve told,” Paris is saying, still teasing Rory. “One man wasn’t enough, you just had to have them bo- Ouch! Don’t kick me!”</p>
<p>“Then don’t say shit like that. That’s not what’s going on.”</p>
<p>“I’m just messing,” Paris says. “But I’m honestly surprised that they actually get along. I’d never have thought.”</p>
<p>Rory chuckles. “You and me both,” she agrees. “But, you know, they really do. For me it was all very new, seeing them together, but they’ve known each other for ages and it shows.”</p>
<p>“And have you actually been with them together?” Paris teases again.</p>
<p>“Paris!” Rory says, slightly scandalized, as Jess rolls his eyes. Next to him, Logan chuckles.</p>
<p>“You listening to that?” Logan asks, coming off the floor and sitting next to him. He immediately reaches to get an arm around Jess’ shoulders, and Jess doesn’t push him off.</p>
<p>“How could I not? Who could ever not listen to Paris?” Jess asks. He eyes the floor where the board game is still out. “Were you having fun with the kids?”</p>
<p>“I was,” Logan says, seeming surprised. “The kids are very smart. Who would’ve thought?”</p>
<p>“Oh, you felt at home, did you?” Jess teases, chuckling when Logan elbows him lightly.</p>
<p>“Asshole,” he says, but next thing he’s turning to kiss Jess, so he probably doesn’t mind it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Like everything in Jess’ life, their relationship takes its time to reach a steady ground, but once it does, it’s not so hard. If a year ago Jess was growing used to having Rory around, now he starts to get used to her leaving sometimes, to Logan being the one to then come back. Sometimes it’s all three of them together, sometimes it’s just him with Logan or Rory, sometimes it’s him on his own; it’s not hard to enjoy the particulars of each dynamic. On holidays, it is still only him and Rory that go to see the family, at least for now. Neither of them is looking forward to breaking the news at Stars Hollow, so for the time being it’s easier and nicer and better to keep it between themselves and their friends.</p>
<p>He gets used to making his way to New York more and more often, to spending more time there; maybe on day he’ll actually go back. For now, he’s just pleased to relearn that the distance is not that great, that he’s not stuck in Philly after all, that he can go and he can come back. He realizes that what he does have is things — people — that ground him in each place — in Philly, in New York, even in Stars Hollow. He’s not trapped anymore.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you've gotten this far, thank you so so much for reading! This fic had been in the making for months; I abondened it a while ago but recently I just couldn't stop thinking about it, so here we are. I truly hope you enjoyed.<br/>Comments and kudos are both greatly appreciated, but absolutely no pressure. You can also come scream at me on <a href="https://thenobleprincess.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>.<br/>Again, thank you so much! I hope you have a lovely day &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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